Articles Archive

Below is every single crazy story ever written by Neutral Ground News about wonderful, colorful ol’ New Orleans.

Mayor LaToya Cantrell's city credit card begs for mercy as it shoulders her $95K in unpaid taxes - New Orleans news - Neutral Ground News
Mayor Cantrell's city credit card begs for mercy as it shoulders her $95K in unpaid taxes
Man White-Knuckling Causeway Commute Deeply Regrets Watching “Final Destination” Last Night
Man White-Knuckling Causeway Commute Deeply Regrets Watching “Final Destination” Last Night
New Orleans City Hall earns Guinness World Record title for "largest house of horrors"
Neutral Ground News - New Orleans News - Satire
Tulane "Dome" to seal off campus, students from rest of world
"Pennies for Perps" program proposed as alternative to more traffic cameras
City Hall officials can’t keep straight faces as “Adopt a Catch Basin” program debuts in New Orleans
Special counsel to investigate collusion behind real motive behind NGN's Weird Al tickets + meet and greet giveaway
Special counsel to investigate collusion behind real motive behind NGN's Weird Al tickets + meet and greet giveaway
Long-time Louisiana weatherman Jay Roberts was accidentally strangled to death today after he got caught in the 10:00 am ‘spaghetti model’ forecast for Hurricane Delta and couldn’t get out. “It was like something out of a science fiction movie,” said cameraman Bryce Peebles. “He was giving his report for the Noon broadcast, using the Accu-Weather Double Doppler Realistic 3D Projection Radar, and I guess he got a little too close. He accidentally fell back into the green screen, and he... just kept going.” A source at WAAP-TV said Roberts got his legs caught in the European ECMF ‘spaghetti‘ track and tried to pull himself free by grabbing onto the NHC ‘spaghetti‘ track. But that track got tangled around his arms and he couldn’t reach the edge of the probability cone. “He fell further in, and either the NOAA track or the UKMet track got wrapped around his neck. There was nothing we could do,” said the source. Fellow Louisiana weatherman, Neil Bleu, was devastated by the news.  “This is so tragic. If it had happened with the 4:00 pm spaghetti model, Jay would have survived. The tracks were much closer together and further to the West.”  With the news of Roberts' unexpected passing, Bleu predicted an 89% chance of showers streaming down the faces of the station's viewers this evening through Sunday. He also predicted a 60% chance of Roberts’ wake on Monday, with burial either Tuesday or early Wednesday, depending on what happens with that upper-level high coming in from Texas. A legendary Louisiana weatherman, Roberts found immense popularity through his "tell 'em what they want to hear" approach to reporting the forecast that viewers found comforting. He would take an online poll before every broadcast and basically went with whatever got the most votes. "The truth can be so harsh, and who needs that these days? There's so much bad and fake news today that people just want to hear good news and Jay gave it to them," Bleu commented. "Jay's forecasts may not have been right 60-76% of the time, but, hey, that's the life of a meteorologist."
Beloved Louisiana weatherman dies in freak "spaghetti" accident
Neutral Ground News - New Orleans News - Satire
Report: Les Miles accepted Michigan job too late
Mid-City New Orleans got screwed in the #NOLAflood
Inside source reveals how Mid-City got screwed during big rainstorm
98% of po'boys across Louisiana not even getting "dressed" during pandemic
98% of po'boys across Louisiana not even getting "dressed" during pandemic
TSA rules against local emotional support animal
TSA rules against local emotional support animal coming aboard airplanes
Sewerage & Water Board suspends giant construction cone for working too hard - New Orleans news - Neutral Ground News
Sewerage & Water Board suspends giant construction cone for "working too hard"
Extensive damage reported across city after A&E's Than Merrill flips houses
Giant construction cone polling as leading choice for next mayor of New Orleans - New Orleans news - Neutral Ground News
Giant construction cone polling as leading choice for next mayor of New Orleans
All of New Orleans claims to be homeless after mayor announces homeless will be housed at Hilton and Windsor Court, meals catered by Drago's and Antoine's
carjackings in New Orleans. DoD VI may not be used in a manner that could imply endorsement of an individual, for-profit business, non-profit organization, or any other non-Federal entity (including DoD contractors), product, or service. This applies to both domestic and international users. Endorsement of a non-Federal entity, event, product, service, or enterprise may be neither stated nor implied.
Mayor Cantrell proposes bold initiative to stop rampant carjackings in New Orleans by redefining “crime”
Neutral Ground News - New Orleans News - Satire
Chalmette Catholic man in holy sh*t after enjoying rival church's live-stream Masses
New Orleans Saints make killer move for defense, sign free agent playmaker Jason Voorhees
New Orleans Saints Sign Killer Free Agent to Bolster Defense
Neutral Ground News - New Orleans News - Satire
Saints General Manager Mickey Loomis seen pleading for picks ahead of NFL Draft
Jefferson Parish Cancels Mardi Gras Day Parades, Citing High Winds; But the Real Threat? The Dark Forces Summoned by ‘Deep Gras’
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