Male Time Lords concerned about jobs, sandwich supply as new “Doctor Who” teaches young girls they can become Time Lords

Neutral Ground News - New Orleans News - SatireDon Kiebels

Doctor Who hit the headlines a few months ago with surprising news that the next Doctor will be a woman. Outraged, countless people couldn’t believe their favorite character would now be ruined by the female sex.

Now, with reports emerging that the new Doctor Who format will actually be different from the past 100 series, fresh concerns are emerging. Male Time Lords are concerned that their jobs will be at risk as more and more women learn that they, too, can become Time Lords.

“First, they started becoming doctors,” said one Time Lord, who chose to remain anonymous. “That was bad enough, as the whole industry became packed with caring and capable people who weren’t defined by their gender. It was terrifying. I knew eventually they’d come for us and our sandwich makers.”

Another Time Lord stated that being a Time Lord is an inherently manly pursuit.

“To travel through time and space, you have to be smart,” he said. “You have to have big, strong man hands, and be able to save a damsel in distress. You also need to wear bowties. Bowties on girls? You’ve got to be kidding. Where are we going to eat now?”

The fear is not just limited to the UK, with the show airing in America, too (and you can learn how to watch BBC iPlayer in USA).

“What am I supposed to tell my child,” asked one parent, “when he comes home and says that little Jimmy’s mommies are Time Lords? The fact that Jimmy has two moms was easy enough to explain, but this? Impossible!”

Further fears have been stoked since Rick and Morty’s creators announced that a spinoff is planned with female protagonists. Ricky-Leigh and Morticia could teach girls that they too can be drunk scientists or needy granddaughters who go on dangerous adventures week after week.