Have no fear, Saints fans — Drew Brees isn’t retiring anytime soon.
The future Hall of Famer has agreed to a contract extension with the New Orleans Saints that will ensure the star quarterback dies in the Black and Gold.
Brees agreed to the historic 100-year deal today that runs through the 2119 season and is worth up to $2.5 billion, according to a league source; all $2.5 billion and the rights to the city of New Orleans is fully guaranteed. Terms explaining what that means were not released.
“This was always going to get done,” Saints General Manager Mickey Loomis said. “Can you imagine what this city would do to me if we didn’t resign him? You think we want another Billy Joe Hobert, Billy Joe Tolliver, Wade Wilson, Jim Everett, Heath Shuler or Danny Wuerffel under center? That scares the shit out of me. Literally. I just crapped on myself. Excuse me.”
Black and Gold Until He’s Dead and Cold
While analysts believe the agreement seemed to take longer than expected, Loomis reportedly assured Brees privately he always was in the team’s plans.
“The length of the deal was a sticking point for a minute there but this allows us to spread the billions out over the lifetime of the contract,” Loomis said.
Coach Sean Payton, who has had Brees as his starting quarterback for his entire tenure with the Saints, was pleased the deal had wrapped up.
“Drew’s earned this contract. Football is a pay-for-performance league where players are rewarded for doing their jobs. This was a long process that ended the way we all wanted – with Drew never leaving me — us, I mean us,” Payton said, who once again is the subject of rumors himself reporting he might possibly perhaps leave New Orleans at some point.
“Our team has had tremendous success with Drew at the helm and he deserves to be compensated, especially with how much promise last year showed. I couldn’t imagine coaching without him. I’ll trot him out there in a remote-controlled wheelchair if I have to. Have you seen those new Hoverounds? They’re pretty frickin’ amazing.”
A Long-Term Brees
Once signed, the deal will make Brees the longest signed player in sports history breaking yet another record in a long, prolific career.
“I’m excited to be in New Orleans for the next century,” the 40-year-old Brees said. “I feel like I could play until I’m 200.”
According to the league source, the deal guarantees Brees will be on the team’s roster no matter how old, effective or lifeless he is, at least three Jimmy John’s location will open in the headquarters of the Saints/Pelicans on Airline Drive, and Drew can be superseded as the Saints’ starting quarterback only by another Brees — namely Baylen, Bowen, Callen or Rylen Brees and their decedents.
“We already gave him $100 million in 2012. The next logical step was 100 years,” Loomis said. “I’m just glad it’s done. One hundred years for $2.5 billion is an absolute bargain if you look at the bigger picture. We’ve locked him up long-term and now can focus on continuing to build the team and our wallets around him.”
After hearing the news, longtime Saints fan Chris Sanchez said he is excited to know the team’s quarterback will be throwing touchdowns in the Black and Gold for years to come.
“This is great! Not only will I have gotten to watch our greatest quarterback ever play the game, but so have my kids, and so will his kids and his grandkids and his grandkid’s kids and their grandkids! Who Dat!”