New Orleans Saints coach Sean Payton was right. The team’s quarterback of the future has been in the building all along — but you can forget about Drew Brees, Taysom Hill, Jameis Winston, and even Russell Wilson. The next man up who will be taking snaps from center this fall and beyond is signal caller Sean Payton.
The team immediately announced the immense cost-saving move this afternoon after receiving an avalanche of guidance from NFL Twitter experts indicating the franchise will never ever again be able to sign a player, staff member, janitor, lunch lady, autographs, or buy Girl Scout cookies due to hopeless Saints salary cap constraints.
General Manager Mickey Loomis thanked Cap Twitter at the press conference for the immense help over the last few weeks with figuring out how to proceed with the insurmountable cap situation and being able to merely put a full team on the field.
“I just want to say how incredibly thankful we all are for the meticulous guidance Twitter has given our franchise during these difficult and unaccountable times. We literally do not know what we would do without you. Again, Sean and I thank you for minding our meat,” Loomis said.
Coach Payton then introduced the team’s new starting quarterback, Sean Payton.
“Sean is a guy we’ve had our eye on for a while now and we’ve always been impressed with his abilities to run a complex, creative offense,” Loomis said. “He brings a lot of experience to the quarterback position and, most importantly, understands the winning culture we’ve built here.”
According to Loomis, Payton signed a five-year deal worth approximately $0 and counting $0 against the Saints salary cap, allowing the team to fill other positions of need without being concerned about replacing future Hall of Famer Drew Brees, retiring beloved lunch lady Doris Gonzalez, or the lounge’s broken Keurig machine this offseason.
“He (Sean) is a smart, cerebral guy who knows how to run our offense and follows in the mold of Drew (Brees),” coach Payton said.
The five-foot-eleven, 200-pound, record-setting quarterback who starred at Eastern Illinois commanded an offense that earned the nickname “Eastern Airlines” and also played the Chicago Bruisers, Pittsburgh Gladiators, Ottawa Rough Riders, Chicago Bears, and Leicester Panthers. He now forms arguably the NFL’s all-time best coach-quarterback combo.
“Sean is an intense competitor, an infectious leader, and one of the most confident players I’ve had the pleasure of meeting. He often knows exactly what I’m thinking before I even do — he’s like a coach on the field,” Payton said. “He’s really special. I absolutely love the guy and what he brings to the team.”