Pulling the covers tighter and closer to her chin, Sara Shaw of Uptown says she has no plans to leave her warm bed ever again after a frosty cold front hit New Orleans bringing life-altering temperatures.
Shaw, who would only speak to reporters via FaceTime, said she has missed work the last few days and plans to stay in bed indefinitely.
“I saw online that people all over the city are out there wearing heavy coats and scarves and I’m over here on my phone’s thermostat tapping the button up like ’92, 93, 94 degrees it is,'” Shaw said while wrapped burrito-like in sheets while making teeth-chattering noises.
“New Orleans isn’t supposed to be cold. It’s just not. Semi-tropical, my ass. Being Uptown, my place already has a draft running through it like Popeyes through your gut. I don’t need this.”
Shaw tells Neutral Ground News that with today’s digital world, she has everything she needs right where she is since making her residence a smart home and that as long as there is a cold front in New Orleans she doesn’t care what’s going on “out there” unless her home is on fire, which she said would be a welcomed addition.
“This is my life now,” Shaw noted as she pointed to all of her smart home devices, including a king-size bed, iPad, Alexa Tap, TV with Hulu open, tower heater, heated blanket, and a recent DoorDash Chick-fila-A order.
“And I wouldn’t have it any other way — except maybe at 97°.”