New Orleans Saints sign scary-good quarterback Chris Walkon to futures contract

New Orleans Saints sign scary-good quarterback Chris Walkon to futures contractDon Kiebels

A day after the legendary Drew Brees retired from the football, the New Orleans Saints today announced they have signed scary-good quarterback Chris Walkon to a futures contract.

At a press conference this afternoon, the Saints introduced the surprising signing after being “wowed” by Walkon in an unscheduled tryout.

Somehow able to bypass all security doors, Chris Walkon entered the Saints training facility early this morning and made it just down the hall to coach Sean Payton’s office before security attempted to take him down.

Walkon, with a face only blind mothers could maybe love, stepped up just as the officers rushed in, narrowly escaping their outreached arms, and threw a keycard taped to a football with pinpoint accuracy at the reader for Payton’s office and breezed right in.

Payton, who had been working on his offseason maimplan for NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, witnessed the whole thing through his window. The duo reportedly hit it off immediately and Payton was so impressed by Walkon’s moxie, throwing ability, and a face that could strike fear into any defense, the coach offered the walk-in quarterback a futures contract with the Saints right then and there.

While Walkon seems to have blinding athletic ability, Neutral Ground News investigated his past and found it to be as bare as the Atlanta Falcons Super Bowl trophy case. Other than spending a little time as a dishwasher at a New Orleans area restaurant, Chris Walkon is a complete mystery. It is not known whether the enigmatic figure has ever played football anywhere.

While not much is typically expected from a player signed to a futures contract let alone making the active roster, Payton said there is something about Walkon that is really special.

“Look, this is a player that I feel strongly about and has earned the right to show what he can do for us on the field. Chris Walkon reminds me of a young Drew Brees to be honest and that’s saying a lot. It’s too early to tell right now, but if the nightmares I’ll be having from seeing his face are even close to what a defense experiences, we may have something really special on our hands.”

Payton continued by saying Walkon is expected to challenge both Jameis Winston and Taysom Hill for the starting quarterback role this offseason.

When asked for comment about potentially replacing a living legend, Walkon was very complimentary of the now-retired 42-year-old veteran.

“He’s the greatest ever and I hope to play for as long as he has,” said the self-described 21-year-old. “He’s super smart, rich, sexy, funny with the best jokes… I would give anything to be him for a day.”