New Food Pyramid Released During King Cake Season, Timing Described as “Bold”
Federal health officials this week released an updated version of the Food Pyramid aimed at encouraging Americans to reduce sugar intake and make healthier dietary…
News
National Guard Convoy Bound for New Orleans Delayed Indefinitely by Metairie Road Train Crossing
A convoy of 1,000 Louisiana National Guard troops sent to New Orleans stalled out earlier today before even reaching the city, after being trapped at…
New Orleans Announces Pelicans Will Handle New Year’s Eve Ball Drop, Citing Extensive Experience
City officials confirmed earlier today that the New Orleans Pelicans will assist with this evening’s New Year’s Eve countdown, coinciding with the annual ball drop…
Man Who Vowed to Be Kinder This Holiday Season Reconsiders Near Lakeside Mall
A local man who entered the holiday season with a renewed commitment to kindness, patience, and emotional growth was forced to reconsider that pledge Tuesday…
Santa Blamed for Latest Entergy Outage; Several Reindeer in Critical Condition
In what feels like the latest chapter in an all-too-familiar saga, portions of the Crescent City went dark last night due to yet another bizarre…
Audubon Animals Demand Answers After Realizing They, Too, Can No Longer Afford The Zoo
Audubon Zoo officials are facing fresh internal turmoil after residents learned their membership fees had skyrocketed, a discovery that mirrors the backlash surrounding the recent…
City of New Orleans Announces Unbeatable Deals for Cyber Monday Extravaganza
Getting in on the holiday season action and the jingling of donation cups, the City of New Orleans has once again unveiled its exclusive Cyber…
Self-Driving Cars Boycott New Orleans Over Poor Street Conditions
In a groundbreaking and shockingly self-aware display of solidarity, self-driving cars across the country have organized their first-ever protest, culminating in a Self-Driving Cars Boycott…
Louisiana Scores C- on Infrastructure without Greasing a Single Palm
The American Society of Civil Engineers has released the 2025 Louisiana infrastructure report card, and against all known science, we somehow earned a C minus,…
Man From The Future Claims Humanity’s Survival Depends on Turning Off The Saints and Pelicans
A man claiming to be from the year 3025 appeared outside the Caesars Superdome this morning, standing silently beneath a flickering streetlight and holding a…