New Orleans City Hall earns Guinness World Records title for “largest house of horrors”

New Orleans City Hall earns Guinness World Record for largest house of horrors - New Orleans News - Neutral Ground News

Halloween enthusiasts no longer have to drive through Marrero to get their fix of frights as the living nightmare that is New Orleans City Hall has officially achieved recognition as the “World’s Largest House of Horrors.”

Built in 1958, the frightful building spans over 477,000 square feet of ghastly space in the CBD, including its minion locations, making it the largest in the world according to Guinness World Records.

Long rumored to suck the souls out of all who dare to enter its realm and cause sane people to go mad, the 10-story low-rise building has long been known to locals as the portal to hell.

“It definitely has a sinister feel to it. As soon as I entered, a feeling of dread immediately came over me. It was this bone-chilling feeling down my spine as though it was telling me ‘there is no God here,’ said paranormal investigator Jimmy Trent.

Trent, who braved his way into the decaying building a few months ago to investigate and validate the claim for Guinness World Records, noted that just moments after entering the lobby a “lifeless-looking” figure suddenly appeared behind a receptionist’s desk but quickly vanished as soon as he approached.

“Any time I attempted to communicate with any of the entities they disappeared into thin air. It’s like the apparitions didn’t want to be disturbed, only to do the disturbing. There is definitely a lot of negative, antagonistic energy in the structure.”

Mysterious noises and unexplainable occurrences seem to be common for the building.

“I mean we have heard adults, crying, angry noises. This time particularly, I don’t know if they were even human sounds.”

Trent’s team tried to use a variety of equipment, such as digital recorders, cameras, electromagnetic field (EMF) readers, and a modified radio called a “ghost box,” to gather information during the investigation but was ultimately unsuccessful.

“Weird, it seems that nothing works in this building.”

With the title, New Orleans adds to its reputation as one of the nation’s most haunted cities. Though, Guinness World Records representative Seth Hall warns having the record doesn’t reduce the danger or grim nature of the structure, only brings attention to it.

“This title is like putting up a sign that warns people there’s a downed powerline on the ground; you’ve got to be extremely careful around it,” said Hall.

“This place has more horrors packed into it than any other in the world, so people need to keep that in mind. I do not recommend visiting unless you truly prepare yourself to experience hell.”

No word yet on how the city plans on taking advantage of the situation further.

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Long-time Louisiana weatherman Jay Roberts was accidentally strangled to death today after he got caught in the 10:00 am ‘spaghetti model’ forecast for Hurricane Delta and couldn’t get out. “It was like something out of a science fiction movie,” said cameraman Bryce Peebles. “He was giving his report for the Noon broadcast, using the Accu-Weather Double Doppler Realistic 3D Projection Radar, and I guess he got a little too close. He accidentally fell back into the green screen, and he... just kept going.” A source at WAAP-TV said Roberts got his legs caught in the European ECMF ‘spaghetti‘ track and tried to pull himself free by grabbing onto the NHC ‘spaghetti‘ track. But that track got tangled around his arms and he couldn’t reach the edge of the probability cone. “He fell further in, and either the NOAA track or the UKMet track got wrapped around his neck. There was nothing we could do,” said the source. Fellow Louisiana weatherman, Neil Bleu, was devastated by the news.  “This is so tragic. If it had happened with the 4:00 pm spaghetti model, Jay would have survived. The tracks were much closer together and further to the West.”  With the news of Roberts' unexpected passing, Bleu predicted an 89% chance of showers streaming down the faces of the station's viewers this evening through Sunday. He also predicted a 60% chance of Roberts’ wake on Monday, with burial either Tuesday or early Wednesday, depending on what happens with that upper-level high coming in from Texas. A legendary Louisiana weatherman, Roberts found immense popularity through his "tell 'em what they want to hear" approach to reporting the forecast that viewers found comforting. He would take an online poll before every broadcast and basically went with whatever got the most votes. "The truth can be so harsh, and who needs that these days? There's so much bad and fake news today that people just want to hear good news and Jay gave it to them," Bleu commented. "Jay's forecasts may not have been right 60-76% of the time, but, hey, that's the life of a meteorologist."
Beloved Louisiana weatherman dies in freak “spaghetti” accident

Long-time Louisiana weatherman Jay Roberts was accidentally strangled to death today after he got caught in the 10:00 am 'spaghetti...