Man drops largest non-nuclear bomb in Hooters of Metairie bathroom

Hooters Bathroom

A diner at the Hooters in Metairie has dropped what is being called the largest non-nuclear bomb ever in the restaurant’s bathroom this afternoon, a Jefferson Parish official confirmed to Neutral Ground News.

Evan Landry, who had eaten more than 30 breaded hot wings and fries and drank three Coors Lights, took off toward the men’s restroom less than 15 minutes after first receiving his order. He dropped the bomb at approximately 1:30 pm CST, striking with enough force to completely obliterate the plumbing and clear all people from the restaurant.

Hooters Metairie

Hooters manager Austin Adams said Landry dropped the bomb on a toilet believed to be in the second stall of the men’s room, furthest from the door.

“It shook the whole place with such tremendous force,” Adams said. “Boobs were bouncing unlike anything I’d ever seen before, so I knew something was up and got everyone out as quickly as possible.”

Though the extent of the damage is not yet clear and hazmat teams are still assessing the situation, officials have said Hooters management may have to come to terms with the location being declared a “total loss.”

“It’s like you can taste it in the air,” Jefferson Parish Sewerage Department Director Aaron Jordan said. “I seriously don’t know how anyone could ever eat there again. My eyes burn and I’m standing outside.”

According to Jordan, department engineers immediately detected the blast and were quickly dispatched to shut off the location’s water and power to prevent anything from spreading.

“Though some nostrils were burned and stomachs turned, we’re extremely lucky no one was seriously hurt — a miracle if you consider the circumstances. That ‘Mother Of All Bombs” dropped in Afghanistan is nothing compared to the shitstorm this created. Believe me. We’re still trying to determine what happened to the man (Landry). He may still be in there, God rest his soul.”

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