Lost civilization discovered in Lakeview pothole


Traveling through New Orleans this week, a team of anthropologists discovered a lost civilization living behind the dense vegetation of a pothole in Lakeview.

According to initial research, the anthropologists say the civilization dates back to about A.D. 1984.

“We’re not definite of how they came to inhabit the pothole, but evidence suggests their descendants were part of a pair of families that were traveling together to the 1984 World Exposition in Downtown New Orleans when their vehicle plunged directly into the pothole and ship… eh, car-wrecked them to this desolate, remote world in which they have lived in ever since. Essentially, they disappeared without a trace and no one even knew it,” said anthropologist Conner Schlitz from the Department of Geography & Anthropology at Louisiana State University.

As luck would have it, this unlikely discovery will preserve the civilization’s environment without further interference from the outside world. The city of New Orleans had reportedly been planning to fill the pothole soon but will now be put on hold indefinitely.

“Oh. Yeah. We were totally going to fix it. Next week, or so.” said Lt. Col. Henry James, director of the city’s Department of Public Works.

Lost civilization discovered in New Orleans pothole - Neutral Ground NewsNeutral Ground News

An exclusive glimpse into Lakeview’s hidden society emerges as lost civilization found thriving in notorious pothole; city scrambles to preserve newfound ‘cultural’ landmark.

“Fortunately, because of its cultural significance, we’ve put in a request with UNESCO (United Nations Educational, Scientific, and Cultural Organization) to deem all potholes in New Orleans as World Heritage Sites. This would mean no one can ever touch them ever again. Ever.”

However, one local group says this is just another delay tactic by the city to skirt its responsibilities.

“People living in a pothole? Is the public really buying this obvious government cover-up?” said Jeff Paulsen, spokesman for Fix My Streets, an organization determined to find a way to fix the potholes, craters, and other issues plaguing roads in the Crescent City and surrounding communities.

“We find it extremely convenient that the city was able to preserve potholes across the area instead of fixing them. But we’re in talks with Lee Zurik of Fox 8 to work some of his sphincter-tightening magic on city leaders to get the truth.”

Schlitz, whose team has requested funding from the state to search other potholes for signs of life, believes this discovery may be the first of many to come.

“Potholes are just the beginning. Did you see that ginormous sinkhole on Canal several years back? We could be talking about entirely new, never-before-seen species living in that thing.”