What are the odds? Questions about the future of the Saints and Pelicans

What are the odds? Questions about the future of the New Orleans Saints and PelicansDon Kiebels

It’s a wild and ridiculous time for New Orleans pro sports teams. So are these burning-should-probably-get-that-checked questions about their future.

The Saints seem to attract drama even when things are going well, and the Pelicans wrapped up a virtual circus act during the 2018-19 season. Because of this, and because there is no sign things will cool off or quiet down anytime soon, I thought I’d go ahead and hedge some of the future possibilities for our beloved, anxiety-inducing pro franchises the Saints and Pelicans.

Will Drew Brees Catch Tom Brady’s Ring Count?

Clearly, Drew Brees is going to play long enough to capture every big record relevant to a quarterback’s individual performance. He’ll have the most yards, the most touchdowns, the most first downs, the most third-down completions of more than 27 yards in a dome in September, and everything else anybody comes up with. But could that also include Tom Brady’s Super Bowl ring count? Brady is the first player in history to have six Super Bowls, and Brees has one in 18 years. That means at his current rate, he only needs to play 108 seasons to match Brady’s accomplishment – likely to say the least, given his extension through 2119. I’d say this one is just about in the bag. Odds: 1/10

Will the arm of Drew Brees completely detach while attempting a pass this season?

There have been rumblings that Drew’s throwing arm is set to retire at the end of this season despite what the quarterback, who is entering the last year of his contract, decides for himself. Drew’s arm, which has been rumored to literally be holding on by a thread, looked worn down in the second half of last season and physically may not have much left lest it detaches completely from Drew’s body and flies off with the ball on a pass. Odds: 1/5

Will the NFL railroad Saints fans for a third straight season?

The Saints could legitimately be sitting pretty as back-to-back Super Bowl champions right now if the ball had bounced their way (and certain players the other). As tough as the endings of the last two seasons were for Saints fans to take, will it only get worse? Vegas is already taking bets on how it’s going to go down, so I guess it’s really a matter of what will happen not if. And we all know NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell absolutely loves New Orleans. So that’s good. Odds: 1/9

Will Anthony Davis Execute A Roundabout 3-Way Deal To The Pelicans?

Here’s the thing about Anthony Davis’ non-odyssey during the 2018-19 season. The Pelicans star tried so hard and so fruitlessly to force his way out-of-town that I’m now convinced he was trying to do both at the same time. Here’s the framework: the Celtics could trade Jayson Tatum, Terry Rozier, Al Horford, and two first-round picks for Anthony Davis; then, Davis could announce that he’ll only be happy playing in Philadelphia, at which point the Sixers would trade Ben Simmons, Zhaire Smith, and future picks for him. Then the Pelicans could seize the opportunity to capitalize on the chaos and trade the Celtics’ two first-round picks, Horford, Rozier, and Julius Randle to Philly to get Davis back. You see, it’s all a master plan: Davis is merely looking to translate himself into more assets to play alongside (in this case, Tatum), and could execute a boomerang trade to get it done. It’s the only way any of this makes sense – and we’re all the more certain he’s going for it given that he’s reportedly, ludicrously, still demanding a trade despite the Pelicans’ lottery win and near-certain impending selection of Zion Williamson. Odds: 3/1

Will the Superdome’s expiring naming rights be taken over by Ochsner like everything else in the state?

The Mercedes-Benz Superdome will be no more by 2021 as the naming-rights deal signed in 2011 with the German automaker, which has since also pledged allegiance to the Atlanta Falcons and its balloon knot stadium, comes to an end. Louisiana has already begun searching for a new sponsor for the iconic facility and one local entity snatching things up like they were from Lincoln Park reportedly is highly interested. The Ochsner overlords, who already rule most of southeast Louisiana and are the official hospital of the New Orleans Saints and Pelicans, have been rumored to be interested in absorbing the massive landmark into the empire at which point the stadium would then become the Ochsner Super Pain Management Dome. Odds: 2/1

Will The Saints Win The “Empty Stats” Cup?

If such a thing is ever to exist, it’s a given that the Saints will win it. Between Brees, Alvin Kamara, Michael Thomas, and whichever obligatory cast off running back and wide receiver become legitimate partners in crime to the starters (Ingram and Ginn style), the Saints are a guarantee to put up approximately 75 million yards and 700 touchdowns in any given season, Super Bowl or not. The only question here is whether or not the NFL, in an era obsessed with stats and fantasy sports, chooses to recognize such accomplishments via an Empty Stats Cup. Odds: 5/1

Will The Pelicans Have A Reliable Fantasy Player?

Speaking of stats and fantasy, it’s all only getting more popular. Since Pennsylvania legalized daily fantasy in 2017 and a few other states followed (ultimately paving the way for actual sports betting), daily fantasy has become the norm across most of the country, leading many of us who love sports to craft lineups on a daily basis. And if you’ve ever tried this with the NBA, as a Pelicans fan, you’re familiar with wild statistical fluctuations based on things like whether Davis is in the midst of his boomerang trade request, or whether the team is playing Jahlil Okafor or Julius Randle on a given night, or whether a single wing can hit multiple shots. Meanwhile, as sensational as Williamson is, we don’t know for sure that he’s going to be a Pelican, and there’s no such thing as a reliable fantasy rookie. Now, I still feel like there’s one perfect candidate, but for some reason, I can’t come up with a name…. So instead I’ll say there’s not much of a chance the Pelicans come up with a reliable fantasy player… unless coaches count because Alvin Gentry’s eyes have led the league in bloodshots for years. Odds: 50/1

Is Martez Mania Heading To New Orleans?

I mean, obviously. Odds: 1/50

Will Anyone Remember The Pelicans’ Point Guard’s Name?

I said before, I can almost think of a Pelicans player who’s a reliable daily fantasy performer… Someone who plays point guard (and some shooting guard) who’s a defensive monster and wears one of those spectacular new Karate-style headbands… Someone who scores over 20 points per game with more than seven assists and is still not even in his age-29 season… But maybe I’m imagining things. Because I’m pretty positive, judging by media narratives, that the Pelicans are comprised of Anthony Davis and a bunch of replacement-level G-Leaguers. I’m not sure the Pelicans point guard’s name will be remembered, but it’s probably not worth it anyway. Odds: 25/1

What’s this all mean? Taking a Monkey Hill view of the entire situation shows New Orleans is in the golden era of its pro sports with the Saints and Pelicans bringing top-shelf optimism and anxiety. The Saints and Pelicans may or may not win championships in the upcoming years but we at least know their winning ways will be giving big markets and the media who love them the highest, middlest of fingers.