Report: Drew Brees’ throwing arm to retire at season’s end

Don Kiebels

The golden arm of Saints quarterback Drew Brees may be retiring from the NFL sooner than expected.

According to a new report by BSPN, the star throwing arm of Drew Brees has hinted at likely hanging up its icy hot at the end of this season.

“I’ve overcome so many obstacles, beaten so many odds, and helped Drew have a great career, but I think it’s time to retire,” Drew’s right arm said. “Mentally I feel like I can still perform. But physically, if I keep going I may detach completely from Drew’s body and fly off with the ball next season.”

In almost fourteen full seasons with the Saints, Brees’ arm has attempted and completed more passes, as well as thrown for more yards and more touchdowns than anyone else in the NFL. That count doesn’t include passes made while with the Chargers, in every preseason during his now 19 years in the league, the thousands of practice and warm-up throws, nor the number of Jimmy John’s sandwiches, Dunkin’ Donuts eats, Advocare products or Walk-On’s entrees he’s lifted up and down during endorsements.

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While Brees has said he wants to play football until he’s 45-years-old he may have to do so without his trusty right arm at his side if he wants to continue. After playing phenomenally for most of last season and the beginning of this year, Drew’s arm seemed to hit a wall after sustaining 11 fractured ribs and a collapsed lung leading many experts to wonder if the inevitable decline had already begun.

“I’m hanging on by a thread here, literally,” said the clearly exhausted limb. “Dr. Andrews put me back together in 2006 with paperclips, rubber bands, and duct tape because my injury was so bad. It’s been an incredible run, but I’m not a young arm anymore and I can’t wind back the miles on me. It’s time to shrug away from the game while I still can.”

In a further development, NFL Media Insider Ian Shittstirrer has learned from a league source that while the Saints currently have backups Taysom Hill and Jameis Winston on the roster with Hill possibly an heir apparent, it looks like Brees himself will not be going anywhere anytime soon, merely his arm. According to the source, the team is in the beginning stages of finding a replacement throwing arm for Brees which will allow the franchise’s best player to keep playing for years to come.

The source also said the team will likely look at taking a rookie’s throwing arm in next year’s draft although the Saints might also turn to a backup quarterback already on the roster or in free agency and take his appendage to give to Drew.

Another interesting candidate for the position is Drew’s left arm, which has yet to throw a pass in the NFL but also has minimal wear and tear. According to Shittstirrer, the often-forgotten appendage of Brees will be given the opportunity to compete for the starting arm spot this coming offseason.

“Drew’s left arm isn’t nearly as talented as his right arm, but it’s gained a ton of learning experience over the years watching. You never know. Drew could end up playing until he’s 65 if the left arm comes into its own,” said the source. which is good since Brees recently signed a longterm deal through 2119 that ensures the Hall of Famer dies in the Black and Gold.

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