Rexit: King and Queen of the Krewe of Rex call it quits!

Don Kiebels

Stunning New Orleanians and shaking Carnival tradition to its core, the King and Queen of the Krewe of Rex — the royal couple of Mardi Gras 2020 — today announced their intention of “stepping down” or “Rexit” from their senior roles in the royal krewe to spend time on Mardi Gras Day as “regular Yats.”

The royal couple, whose names have not yet been announced in the society pages, say they want their day to be more “balanced.”

“We want to put the ‘publico,’ in Pro Bono Publico,” the Queen said in a confessional appropriated by Neutral Ground News reporters at the St. Louis Cathedral. “We intend to step back from the royal krewe so we can more fully enjoy parades with the people while continuing to fully support the Mardi Gras season. We know it’s a break from formal royal protocol, but, look, if the mayor can lien back and relax why can’t we? She inspired us to not worry so much about life’s taxing moments and to put things on a timeframe that works for us. And stepping back lets us do that.”

The King and Queen reportedly will no longer be working members of Rex’s Royal Krewe, and will not use their “Royal Highness” titles, and instead will be referred to as just ‘Vic’ and ‘Nat’le.’ The couple also hinted that the traditional Rex theme song, ‘If Ever I Cease To Love,’ heard every Mardi Gras since 1872, will be replaced by Kiss’ ‘Rock & Roll All Nite.’

Rex officials said no one else in the royal krewe was consulted prior to the announcement.

The Captain of Rex, whose name also has not been released, issued the following statement:  “While saddened, we understand the desires of the royal couple to seek their own way of celebrating Fat Tuesday, and the Krewe will support their wishes to move on. Honestly, we thought it was a joke at first when they talked that stuff, but we’ll roll with it.”

That support of Rexit, however, appears to be emotional, but not financial. The Queen allegedly became very upset when told she will no longer get a private limo to the parade and will have to stand in the street instead of in the private stands with its own pristine bathrooms.  And she will have to toast the King, not with fine champagne, but with “whatever they can get at Trader Joe’s.”

That is if she can find the King. The Captain stated that the King will no longer be riding on the King’s float. “He can walk. Like the millions of other regular Yats. ‘Vic’ and ‘Nat’le’ can find their own place to pee, too. Like the millions of regular Yats.”

The Captain said the King’s float will still be in the parade, but with a man dressed in a bunny suit throwing Hubig’s Pies. “Who knows,” remarked the Captain, “This could be the start of a wonderful Mardi Gras tradition.”

Not everyone in the Rex organization was so diplomatic about Rexit. One Lieutenant groused, “This is what happens when you get a queen from California.”

And in a final break with decades-long Mardi Gras tradition, the King and Queen of Rex announced they will not be meeting the King and Queen of Comus. Instead, they intend to “party hearty” on Bourbon Street and fly to Canada on Ash Wednesday. They plan to be back next year with a truck float in Metairie.

With the royal Rexit departure, the head of Mardi Gras goes down to the next in line, Boeuf Gras, the white, fatted ox that traditionally follows the King of Rex. In his first royal proclamation upon taking the crown, King Boeuf announced that to avenge his slaughtered brethren, no meat will be consumed for a 24-hour period the day after Mardi Gras.

After shrugging their shoulders, New Orleanians agreed to the order.