Metairie man Brian Pitre confirmed today that the dishes soaking in the sink for months probably need a few more days.
“I think one of them is almost loose,” said Pitre, staring blankly at the TV as The Fifth Element played in the background for what family estimates is the 44th time. “You gotta let the water do its job.”
Despite growing concern from his spouse and multiple unopened sponges nearby, Pitre insists the timing isn’t right. “There’s a process,” he said. “You can’t rush these things. Besides, I think this is the version with deleted scenes.”
Neutral Ground News Pitre, mid-rewatch of a movie he’s seen 44 times, remains confident the dishes soaking in the sink for months will let him know when they’re ready.
His wife, Michelle, expressed mild disbelief. “It’s a fork, Brian. It’s been months.”
Relatives say this isn’t the couple’s first domestic stalemate. The two were previously profiled during a toothpaste tube standoff that lasted nearly six weeks, and Brian’s brother was once the subject of a missing persons report after vanishing behind a stack of decorative bed pillows.
At press time, Michelle was contemplating whether the fork in the sink or the fork in her marriage would break first. Earlier, she’d been seen staring at her husband with the quiet rage of someone mentally composing a TED Talk titled “Why Men Can’t See Dirty Dishes.”
Pitre, unaware of the growing tension, was last seen digging between couch cushions for a lost remote he was already holding.