Missing man found under wife’s 1,250 decorative bed pillows

Decorative Bed Pillows - New Orleans news - Missing Person - Neutral Ground NewsDon Kiebels

A 48-year-old River Ridge man who mysteriously disappeared has been located.

Kevin Lofton, reported missing after he vanished without a trace last month, was found buried alive under an avalanche of his wife Karen’s decorative bed pillows.

According to the police report, Mrs. Lofton said she last saw Mr. Lofton eating a large lunch that he brought home Blue Tomato after which he said he was going to take a nap in their bedroom.

Mrs. Lofton, originally the prime suspect in the disappearance, claimed she was working in her downstairs office when her husband went to take his nap upstairs. She became concerned when her husband didn’t come down for his customary 6:00 p.m. shot of whiskey as he had done every evening since they first got married.

“I went to check on him and he was just… gone,” Mrs. Lofton told authorities.

Mr. Lofton’s wallet and phone were found on the bedside nightstand and his truck still in the driveway, which according to Mrs. Lofton is totally out of character for Kevin.

“He doesn’t go anywhere without his truck. Literally.”

A Body of Fluffy Evidence

Law enforcement brought search teams with dogs were brought out to the house and to scavenge the neighborhood, who determined Mr. Lofton didn’t leave the house on foot.

After four weeks with hope quickly dwindling, Detective Michael Wilcox decided to re-investigate the Lofton’s bedroom for any evidence that may have been missed.

“Call it a hunch,” Det. Wilcox said while focusing on the mass of decorative bed pillows crowding the area.

Mrs. Lofton, who has a passion for pillows that are never meant to be slept on or touched in any way, pled with police to not disturb the room’s ambiance. Despite her insistence, authorities called in experts from Boh Brothers to excavate the mountain chain of pillows.

Three hours after first sifting through the bed, authorities discovered an extremely dehydrated Mr. Lofton pinned under an avalanche of over 1,250 different sized and styled pillows.

Mr. Lofton told investigators that her husband usually would toss the pillows on the floor for his naps but his wife had recently demanded he no longer do that as the pillows were getting dirty and that moving them prevented all the non-existent potential bedroom visitors from ever seeing them in all their decorative glory.

Unfortunately, when Mr. Lofton shifted the deathtrap this particular time to make room for his head an avalanche of exquisite throw pillows threw themselves on Kevin, burying him alive.

“I never thought I’d see the light of day again after those sacks of Satan fell,” Mr. Lofton said. “I began to make peace with my demons and was ready to go to the cool side of the pillows, but they found me right when I had just about given up. I’m lucky to be alive.”

Don’t Sleep on Decorative Bed Pillows

No charges have been filed in the incident. However, authorities caution the public that if you are going to have decorative pillows, have a locked storage trunk at the end of your bed for them to go into. Failure to do so could be deadly for anyone that “rests their eyes” for a moment.

“These kinds of dangerous situations are so easily preventable. If you’ve got a significant other, kids or pets in the house you have got to lock up your decorative pillows for their own safety,” Det. Wilcox said.