After taking his fourth shower before 1:00 p.m. and immediately needing a fifth after walking six feet to retrieve a pizza flyer from his porch, Bayou St. John resident Ricky Broussard announced he has reached “the only logical conclusion.”
Effective immediately, Broussard will be living inside his glass-enclosed shower until at least mid-October.
Broussard has since moved in a lawn chair, an ice-filled cooler, a bowl of chips slowly taking on water, and a TV tuned exclusively to a 7-day forecast showing heat indexes pushing 118°F. He says he sees no point in pretending to dry off when the walk from his bathroom to the kitchen has an average humidity of 98%.
“I’m done with the delusion,” Broussard explained, taking a sip while the showerhead continuously rinsed him on low. “You take a shower, towel off, walk to the fridge, and boom, you’re sticky again. At that point, you’re not showering, you’re just commuting between towels. I cut out the middleman.”
Family members report that Broussard now conducts all personal affairs from behind the fogged glass, scheduling all phone calls, meals, and non-essential family drama around shampooing.
“Honestly, we thought he was losing it,” said his wife, Denise, while handing a fresh six-pack of Paradise Park through a crack in the shower door. “But then I went to put the trash out on the curb this morning and came back looking like I’d just survived a trip down the slides at Blue Bayou. Now I’m looking at his setup with a lot more respect.”
Neighbors admit Broussard’s move seemed radical at first, but several confessed to standing naked in front of their AC vents for twenty minutes at a time, wondering if he might actually be a visionary.
Broussard reportedly spent the rest of the afternoon trying to wedge an air mattress into the enclosure, telling his wife, “Outside isn’t real weather, it’s soup. You can’t live in soup, Denise.”