Scientists say making Daylight Saving Time permanent will give Louisiana residents an extra hour of daylight to tell friends and family they’re “on the way” before taking any measurable steps toward leaving.
The findings, released approximately 47 minutes after researchers at the Louisiana Bureau of Time Interpretation texted they were “sending them now,” estimate the average resident currently sends the text “Almost there” approximately 38 minutes before making any measurable progress toward leaving.
Researchers say permanent Daylight Saving Time would stretch the average “Almost there” window from 38 minutes to just over 98 minutes, giving residents enough extra daylight to finish one more episode of a show they’ve already watched 34 times before announcing they’re “just around the corner.”
“The data confirms what we’ve suspected for years,” lead researcher Dr. Melissa Fontenot said. “‘I’m on my way’ serves less as a statement of location and more as a declaration of intent.”
The study also found that 83% of Louisiana residents consider putting on shoes to be the official beginning of the departure process, while the remaining 17% believe telling everyone they’re leaving counts as leaving.
Researchers classified phrases such as “five minutes away,” “pulling up now,” “just around the corner,” and “be there in a sec” as culturally accepted estimates that bear little statistical relationship to actual arrival times.
The report notes that the proposed time change is not expected to affect major public construction projects, which scientists say already operate on an entirely separate timeline unaffected by clocks, calendars, deadlines, or repeated completion estimates.
Transportation experts welcomed the proposal, saying the additional hour should significantly reduce the number of people forced to invent increasingly creative explanations for why they’re still “right by Rouses.”
Congressional leaders expressed optimism that the Sunshine Protection Act could soon become law, even as the nation remained divided between permanent Standard Time and permanent Daylight Saving Time. Researchers at the Louisiana Bureau of Time Interpretation clarified that Louisianans rarely use “soon” to describe an actual timeline.