The Chalmette Inquisition is in session and da’ traps ‘en caught one.
St. Claude Bosqueto, 83, of Arabi was affectionately known as the “Saint” of Prompt Succor until this past weekend when word leaked of his heresy thanks to Facebook live-stream.
Now, fellow parishioners at his Catholic church in Chalmette are upset with Bosqueto, a Communion pusher for the last 65 years.
Bosqueto, a lifelong bachelor whose New Orleans parents named him after living on St. Claude Avenue, became persona non grata, or unwelcome, today. The reason: He mentioned to a friend how he thoroughly enjoys watching the Facebook live-stream of Masses from an unnamed Episcopal church in Covington during the COVID-19 crisis.
The friend is Karen “Mad” Dash, 59, the Chalmette church secretary. A self-made thousandaire, she also moonlights as the Arabi town crier and is a regional representative for Essential Oils.
Karen got the word out about Bosqueto with her phone calls, texts, emails, social media posts, Yelp review, and spoke extensively with church management.
“St. Claude is a closet Episcopalian,” Dash told everyone. “I’m going to send him a sample of my essential holy oils that will clear this infection right up.”
Bosqueto told Neutral Ground News he has known about the Covington church for more than a year. He first got a taste when he attended the Saints “No-Call” Mass in February 2019 when he was “searching for something, anything” to help ease his pain. The service remarkably soothed his weary Who Dat soul — though it did not totally heal it because GO TO HELL GOODELL.
Further alarming Karen and fellow Prompt Succor parishioners, Bosqueto recently received a Top Fan designation on the Covington church’s Facebook page.
“To think, all this time, a heretic, here, in my church,” Dash said. “This kind of stuff happens in California, not here. Do they even have churches in California?”
Bosqueto said the live-stream Episcopal Masses he watches at home are intriguing and he is just curious.
“The one I saw Sunday on my laptop ended with a trio performing a lovely rendition of ‘Imagine‘ which I thought was a bit odd but, hey, it was fascinating.”
Many Catholic churches are Facebook live-streaming their Masses as well to reach parishioners while quarantine orders are in effect.“I tried the live-streamed Catholic Masses, I really did. But let’s just say the Haysus Juice for the Episcopalian live streams was a bit more flavorful. They even offered to send a free case of Haysus Juice just for tuning in and giving them my email address!”
Dusti Miller, 49, president of the parish council at Bosqueto’s church, said she understands the curiosity as people remain in home “lockdown” due to COVID-19 but is not concerned.
“It’s a phase he’ll grow out of as time passes,” Miller said. “Besides, we have the real Jesus. And He forgives everyone, including Episcopalians and even our own Judas.”
Miller said the council will meet next week to discuss suspending Bosqueto’s accreditation with the Catholic Church.
Bosqueto, in good health and in COVID-19 isolation, is seemingly unfazed about the council meeting as he is looking forward to other things.
He said the Covington church’s Facebook page keeps him entertained with such programs as the Blessing of the Pet Pelicans, The Bible meets The St. Tammany Farmer, Confessing Your Bourbon Street Synonyms, How to Live with a Huge Penance, Can I love Jesus and Crawfish at The Same Time? and Does God Ever Speak Through Cats?
“The juggling act at Communion is absolutely amazing. Vegas quality,” Bosqueto said.