Put away your pranks and jokes, New Orleans. According to reports, the city will not be allowed to participate in April Fools’ Day for a while after exhausting several years’ worth of dumbassery supplies last month.
The National Association of Pranksters, Jokers, Fools, Meme Generators, and Federal Employees, producers of April Fools’ Day, notified local officials late today that April Fools’ Day in New Orleans is a no-go since the city squandered all of its supplies celebrating “March Fools”
“They’ve used it all up. Every little bit,” Association spokesperson Jenna Tulls said seriously without cracking a smirk, deflating a whoopie cushion, or placing a “kick me” sign on anyone.
“Every day apparently is April Fools’ Day for them. There’s nothing that can be added, so we just cannot allow the day to go on as usual there. New Orleans should have rationed the dumbassery. It’s a shame, but we have to protect the brand and make sure the foolery isn’t overdone or it loses its value and appeal.”
Despite last-minute negotiations that Mayor LaToya Cantrell called “taxing,” Tulls said the Association’s hands are tied and it would not reconsider its decision to indefinitely cancel April Fools’ Day in the city.
“Major epidemic looming? They party. Look at Bourbon Street bouncin’. Look at Tracey’s Block Party. Look at the Second Line gathering. With that much foolery in March, there’s no need for any in April. They did enough April Fooling last month to last the next couple of years, at least.”
Mayor Cantrell, while discouraged by the news, vowed to get Hard Rock International to pay for the damages caused by the city losing the day of fun.
“They must be held accountable. We are going to attempt and adamantly attempt that every penny of the approximately $95,000 is paid in full,” said the mayor.
When reached for comment, Hard Rock International issued a statement saying, “What the f*ck is that Year-Round Fool on?”
Preliminary discussions suggest the beloved day might return to New Orleans if the city can reduce its emissions of dumbassery by 2024.