New Orleanians worried they won’t be able to get a Christmas tree this holiday season because of a nationwide shortage with highly inflated costs are in for a holiday miracle. The Sewerage & Water Board of New Orleans announced today it has opened hundreds of self-serve lots to the public where residents can “chop” down their own Construxmas barrel to serve this year as replacements for Christmas trees.
According to S&WB’s index cards, the barrels are part of the utility’s maintenance supplies and after being placed on the streets of New Orleans for various projects over the decades have taken root in place. The Construxmas “trees” have been left for so long they multiplied, forming hundreds of dense lots across the city.
The S&WB says the self-serve lots will be easy to use with drive-through pick-up and go service and pay later billing. The cost of a Construxmas barrel tree, which reportedly is about $20 give or take whatever they estimate at the time, will be applied to the customer’s next S&WB bill or as a late fee on a previous invoice.
“It’s been a point of focus [for the administration of Mayor LaToya Cantrell] to figure out new ways the city can be more progressive in getting citizens to invest additional money into our… er… the city’s pockets,” said Burt Bleuchekmark.
Cantrell, who is also the president of the Sewerage & Water Board, immediately praised the idea as stunningly groundbreaking.
“This is the kind of innovative thinking we need in the new New Or-lee-ans — selling city resources that people already paid for through taxes back to them. It’s absolutely brilliant!”
New Orleans residents are invited to visit the lot closest to their street and haul away the Construxmas tree of their choosing. The S&WB says it will replenish supplies if needed, every morning at 3 p.m. weather and personal profit permitting.