Sewerage and Water Board creates 16 new positions to spread out future blame

Sewerage and Water Board creates new 16 positions to spread out future blameDon Kiebels

In the wake of New Orleans experiencing yet another flash flooding that overwhelmed much of the area just after debris, cars, and parking meters were found clogging an essential canal, the organization announced today, starting immediately, it is adding 16 new supervisor positions to maintenance crews in the field in the hopes of more easily disseminating and minimizing any future public anger before reaching the higher-ups.

The move, just over two years after an investigation by Neutral Ground News found the city’s water pumps were clogged with bullshit, comes as Executive Director Ghassan Korban admitted the recent flooding is ‘unusual,’ and deserves a ‘thorough investigation.’

Residents have dealt with all-too-familiar frustration when it comes to New Orleans not being able to handle rain storms creating widespread flooding that had cars stall, gridlock form, businesses and homes flood, and God’s prayer line being blown up with accidental name dials.

According to WWL-TV, it’s at least the sixth time during the past two years that heavy rains inundated different parts of the city following a seemingly routine summer thunderstorm.

While the Sewerage & Water Board promises to begin a study into the woefully underperforming drainage system soon, sources say three of its top deputy directors may also find themselves under investigation. These executives include Lou Pohl, the deputy director of S&WB crawfish boils; Tina Gouge, who handled billing; and Cynthia Klepteaux, who oversaw Post-It Note supplies and pensions.

According to the utility’s records, some of the only ones kept, all three are scheduled to retire at the end of this year and reportedly will receive severance packages and the city’s lifetime achievement award, the S&WB said.

S&WB spokesman James Allen speaking from his Malibu, California beach house, told Neutral Ground News that the 16 new supervisors will supervise the 14 current supervisors over each 10 person work crew, and will be responsible for overall quality control, scheduling, and coordinating if he or she wants.

New Orleans Sewerage & Water Board issues supervisory advisory

The new supervisors reportedly will help keep things in line and ensure the organization’s responsibility for any future failures is spread far enough that no one person can take any blame, ensuring the buck is meticulously passed, both metaphorically and literally, at least 30 times.

The new supervisors reportedly will help keep things in line and safeguard the organization’s responsibility so that any future failures and blame is spread out far enough to dissipate any public outrage, ensuring the buck is meticulously passed at least 30 times.

“These S&WB supervisors are essential for maintaining and improving our well-known record of efficiency and hard work, and these new supervisors show our commitment to the city,” Allen said, noting S&WB bills may increase “a bit” to accommodate the new position’s salary and future pension.

“You may think the Sewerage and Water Board staff does nothing but stand around work sites drinking coffee, napping in trucks, not clearing catch basins, or ignoring customers. That isn’t the case. Not at all. They do all kinds of stuff and things. It’s usually just hard for the average person to see because they are laymen and unfamiliar with what we actually do. For instance, most people don’t know that our turbines catch on fire all the time. But they’re always put out. It’s not a big deal, really.”

Allen said that whoever the S&WB hires as the 16 supervisors will all absolutely have the needed government expertise to assume the position.

“Aside from knowing the ins and outs of performing government work, these new supervisors will get in at 7 a.m., and work a full eight hours until Noon. If he or she has to work another eight hours of overtime until 3 or 4 p.m. to make sure things are done right, so be it. We’re prepared to further the Sewerage and Water Board’s mission to keep New Orleans safe and healthy.”

Allen wants the public to know that “every member of the S&WB is absolutely necessary, with critical and highly specialized roles in sewerage, and water, and boards; not to mention all of the thingies, doohickeys, and whatchamacallits that keep them operating at maximum capacity.”

When asked to elaborate on what kind of ‘specialized roles’ these positions include, Allen only said, “Specialized. Roles.”