Investigation underway into Louisiana’s Little League championships-winning team, “no way that state is #1 in something good”

Investigation into flooding reveals pumps clogged with large amounts of bullshit

The Federal Bureau of Investigation says it is investigating Louisiana’s Little League World Series team that has allegedly fraudulently won both the national and world championships because “there is no way Louisiana is number one in something good.”

The investigation began immediately after the team, which is comprised of 12-year-olds from the East Bank of Jefferson Parish, easily blanked Curaçao 8-0 to claim the Little League World Series title and become the #1 team in the world. The team beat Hawaii 9-5 the previous day to win the Little League World Series United States Championship and become #1 in the nation.

“We have reason to believe an act of fraud has been committed,” special agent in charge of the investigation Ron Biggers said. “I mean, come on. Louisiana leading the nation let alone the world in something that isn’t obesity, poor education or crime? That’s a giant red flag right there if I’ve ever seen one. We believe this is one of the largest cases of its kind in U.S. history.”

Officials became highly suspicious a few months ago when the Southwest representing team hailing from River Ridge showed signs of consistently being good and handily beating other states, raising its reputation as a model of success and putting it at odds with its home state’s long-running track record of incompetence and bottom-feeder status. The team is the first from Louisiana to win the Little League World Series title and do so convincingly despite losing its first game at the tournament, another World Series first.

The FBI won’t say who is accused of what at this time but sources indicate the team is being closely examined to see if all of the players actually live in Louisiana or were brought in as “ringers” from outside the state.

They [team] got on our radar when they started climbing the rankings which clearly was being artificially inflated somehow, so we began a fraud investigation, special agent Biggers said. “Louisiana is never ranked higher than 48 in anything worthwhile or to be proud of so when these kids were winning big set the alarms off. Where did they learn such abilities when it clearly isn’t homegrown? That’s what we’re going to find out.”

The team’s manager Scott Frazier felt insulted by the accusations.

“I am disgusted with the wild pitches thrown by those who don’t know or just recently started following this team,” said Frazier. “These kids are incredible people and athletes who aren’t aware of or jaded by our state’s 107-year slump. They’re leading off with a new outlook for Louisiana and I’m so very proud of them like all Louisianans are. If the FBI absolutely wants to investigate something, I’ve heard the Harahan Police Department is willing to lend a hand.”

According to a local expert, the team’s manager is right on target.

“These kids have grown up during the golden years of the New Orleans Saints so all they know is winning,” said Rita Tonglet, a historian at Herzing College Bar and Grill. “The Saints are again Super Bowl contenders, the Pelicans are primed for long-term success, and these kids are Little League World Series champs. Hopefully, their generation keeps it up and helps us become top dogs in even more positive areas.”