The New Orleans Saints announced today it has agreed to a six-year contract with big-play pass rusher Jason Voorhees, a shocking twist to the NFL’s annual free agency frenzy.
The top available playmaker, Voorhees brings a much-needed killer instinct to a defense that had been victimized from 2014-2016 only to make a remarkable rebound in 2017 and help the team earn Super Bowl contender status.
A source with knowledge of the deal told Neutral Ground News that the versatile defensive end signed a contract for 100 teenagers, 43 of whom are guaranteed. The person spoke on the condition of anonymity because terms of the possibly illegal deal had not been released by the Saints.
The six-foot-five, 250-pound Voorhees, who specializes in getting after anyone running away from him, has racked up 146 sackings over his career, taking down an average of 12.2 players per year.
Voorhees played last season on a one-year deal with the Cleveland Browns, who opted by default to let him hit free agency due to their entire front office being non-responsive since signing the playmaker last March.
“We had hoped for the opportunity to pursue Jason Voorhees but he actually pursued us,” Saints General Manager Mickey Loomis said from his home’s safe room.
“He’s a quiet guy, but, let me tell you, his motor never stops, and we’re thrilled to have him.”
While the front office is celebrating such a big signing, former NFL scout Jason Adams said the New Orleans Saints may not be as lucky as they think.
“At 6’5 and 250 lbs., Jason Vorhees has the prototypical size and length to potentially dominate his position,” Adams said. “But he’s as slow as a corpse, and that may ultimately come back to haunt the Saints.”
Saints defensive coordinator Dennis Allen disagrees and believes he now has the luxury of utilizing an unstoppable monster to wreak havoc on opposing offenses.
“He has fearsome strength, he stalks opponents unlike anything I’ve ever seen, and he simply does not quit; he’s going to be a major weapon for us that terrorizes offenses,” Allen said.
“After watching 12 films on him, I can say he’s the most resilient person I’ve ever come across. If he gets knocked down, breaks an arm, leg, whatever, he gets right back up without missing a beat. He plays like he’s possessed.”
According to Allen, Voorhees will line for the New Orleans Saints up on the quarterback’s blindside.
“I love his versatility and aggressiveness. He thrives at the point of attack and can absorb just about anything thrown at him. He enjoys taking on multiple opponents and will take out whoever he needs to to get the job done. He always needs to be accounted for wherever he is and even wherever he isn’t. He’s going to give offensive coordinators nightmares for years to come. I’m just glad he’s on our side.”
While no cap casualties have been mentioned yet as being needed to help make the deal work, sources within the Saints organization say they may need to make a few cuts and slices to satisfy Jason’s deal.