Musician to hold fundraiser for asshole who always waves off tip jar

Musician to hold fundraiser for asshole who always waves off tip jar

Louisiana Satire Network - Baton Rouge news, New Orleans news, Lafayette news, Houma news, Shreveport news, Louisiana news

Musician to hold fundraiser for asshole who always waves off tip jar

A local musician will hold a charity fundraiser this Friday, Saturday, and Sunday for that asshole who always waves off his tip jar.

Max Darden, a regular entertainer at a Frenchman Street bar, said that after months of performing he could no longer idly stand by while seeing the patron clearly had fallen on hard times.

“I don’t know his name, but I knew almost right away that I had to help this asshole out,” Darden said.

Musician to hold fundraiser for asshole who always waves off tip jar

Musician Max Daren often is lost in deep thought of how hard life must be for the asshole who hasn’t been able to contribute even $1 to his tip jar despite watching Darden perform every weekend over the last three months.

Despite making frequent requests for songs and listening enthusiastically for the entire three-hour set, the patron allegedly can’t find it in his pockets to repay Darden for his gracious performances.

“He comes into the bar every night, busts his hump downing triple shots, devouring food, requesting songs, and tapping his toes but has never enough left to tip me whenever the jar comes around. He can’t even spare a dollar. That’s how tight money is for him after paying off all that other stuff. He just can’t get ahead no matter what he does. I blame Trump for that.”

Darden says the fundraiser ultimately aims to help the stumbling man get back on his feet by passing around a tip jar so he won’t ever have to feel like he’s such a cheap shit.

“Most people would be down and out after the number of shots he takes in life, but he’s resilient and just keeps on going — no matter how much they cost. I’m just thrilled I’ll be able to use my talents to improve his life.”

The fundraiser will start promptly this Friday with a spotlight song whenever the asshole gets there.

Y'all Discuss

Read previous post:
Pravda Cakes? Russian hackers reportedly behind Zephyr's name change to New Orleans Baby Cakes
Pravda Cakes? Russian hackers reportedly behind Zephyrs name change to Baby Cakes

If you thought renaming the New Orleans Zephyrs as the ‘Baby Cakes’ was the dumbest idea since fat-free beignets, you’re...

Close