98% of po’boys across Louisiana not even getting “dressed” during pandemic

98% of po'boys across Louisiana not even getting "dressed" during pandemicAshim D’Silva

Thanks to the COVID-19 pandemic, getting dressed is now proving extremely difficult both for the people of Louisiana and the po’boys they order, according to a new study published today by researchers at the New Orleans Academy of Sciences, City Permits, Bar, and Grill.

Mirroring a trend with people and attire during the pandemic, the study found as much as 98% of po’boys ordered across Louisiana are being done so without getting “dressed” at all thanks to the stress of it all.

“After thorough research, we can state definitively the pandemic has made clothing completely non-essential and getting ‘dressed’ now is seen as a grueling undertaking, even when it comes to something as simple as being associated with food,” said lead researcher Aubrey Campbell who most definitely was sitting naked on the Zoom call with Neutral Ground News.

“People were forced to stay home and away from work, social activities, and going out, so many began relaxing their typical habits like wearing suits and dresses into t-shirts and shorts which morphed into just underwear and often nothing at all. Who do we have to impress? Each other? F*ck that.”

According to the study, people have become so accustomed to not getting dressed over the last several months that ordering po’boys dressed is quickly becoming a thing of the past.

“It’s not that people don’t want the sandwiches dressed, it’s that it just takes so much effort. It’s like the light is on when you’re trying to sleep — it’s not backbreaking to get up and turn it off, and you’d enjoy it much more but it’s just so hard to leave the comfort of the bed.”

Data shows the global pattern of “dressing difficulty” may be here to stay as many survey respondents indicated they enjoy the freedom of wearing fewer clothes, ditching stiff workplace outfits, and doing far less laundry.

Campbell added that, based on the results of the study, we can look to the past to help predict future trends.

“When people want to start dressing again they’ll need to slowly reintroduce themselves to the concept. So it is entirely plausible that figleaves become the dominant clothing in the near future. Forget all that expensive designer sh*t. This will be cheap, green, and when in a pinch, can be used as TP.”