The NFL Draft has not begun, but Saints fans across the Gulf South have already reached a passionate consensus regarding the team’s first-round selection: unacceptable.
A new pre-draft survey conducted in neighborhood bars, group texts, Facebook comment sections, and beneath WWL mock draft posts found that 87% of Saints fans already dislike whoever the team selects, along with the player’s family, character, and overall existence.
“We don’t know who it is yet,” said Uptown resident and self-appointed draft analyst Marvin LeClerc. “But if it’s some guy from a college that sounds made up that we traded up for, it’s a terrible pick. I know that much. I’ve done 47 mock drafts, read three comments, and watched half a highlight reel, so I’ve put the work in.”
LeClerc warned that if the Saints do not select the exact player he has recently decided they need, he is fully prepared to question the competence of the front office in perpetuity.
“They can make all the money they want,” he said. “But if they lose Marvin LeClerc, what exactly have they gained?”
The still-unnamed rookie now enters one of the franchise’s oldest traditions: being declared a bust before shaking commissioner Roger Gotohell’s hand, putting on the hat, or completing the awkward family hug on camera.
Pollsters also found:
⚜️ 93% of fans will insist they predicted the pick all along
⚜️ 61% plan to post “Fire Loomis” before the selection is announced
⚜️ 44% say they are switching teams for at least the fifth time
⚜️ 38% blamed the Sewerage & Water Board
⚜️ 100% will be fully back in by Week 1 kickoff
“This pick is obvious if you know ball,” said Mid-City resident Derrick Boudreaux, who says “small school guy” about any college outside the SEC.