State officials plead with Louisianans to stop trying to find ways to cook suspicious seeds

Neutral Ground News - New Orleans News - SatireDon Kiebels

Louisiana officials are begging citizens across the state to please, please stop trying to find ways to use suspicious seeds turning up in mailboxes for their cooking.

The U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) is investigating packets of suspicious seeds that have turned up, unsolicited, in mailboxes in most U.S. states — including Louisiana. The packages allegedly are sent from China though some sources say Chalmette also remains a possible source.

Commissioner of the Louisiana Department of Agriculture and Forestry Elvin Goodbud issued a statement earlier this week to address hundreds of locals receiving the unsolicited packages that are marked as containing jewelry but actually contain plant seeds.

“Louisianans reportedly are trying to find cooking uses for these unknown, suspicious seeds, adding them to dishes or just eating them,” Goodbud said. “I know we eat just about anything down here but please, please contain your curiosity and do not plant, cook, or eat these seeds in any way whatsoever.”

While the seeds are being investigated, residents who receive the packages should keep the seeds in their packaging and contact the Department of Agriculture and Forestry, Goodbud said in the statement.

While many are heeding the government’s warning to be wary of the seeds, some are not deterred by the possible danger.
Ricky “Swamp Pop” Delatte said he is determined to figure out the best ways to use the seeds

“When dey caught and try to eat dat dere crawfish for da first time, oooohh wee, you know dey was not sure it would taste good but here we are havin’ boils whenever we can, yeah. Maybe da seeds just need a little boilin’ or fryin’ demselves. Or maybe dey go good with opossum stew or maque chou. Ya’ not know til’ ya know. Dey just tryin’ ta ruin us our good time, yeah.”

“The USDA is currently collecting seed packages from recipients and will test their contents and determine if they contain anything that could be of concern to U.S. agriculture or the environment,‘’ the announcement said.

Delatte said he isn’t falling for the government’s “tricks.”

“Why ya’ think dey want all dem seeds? They tryin’ to corner da’ market and use dem demselves or resell dem to us. They ain’t gone get me with dat, no.”

Residents in all 50 states have reported receiving the seeds, reports indicate. Officials in several states have warned residents that planting unknown species of plants could potentially wreak havoc on the environment, destroy native plants and insects and potentially harm crops.

Though, with the stubbornness of many Louisianans over the suspicious seeds, some parts of the state such as Breaux Bridge have turned into a Chinese rainforest virtually overnight.

“With the sudden addition of over 15 million trees, this is great news for climate change and coastal protection but the invasive plants are proving problematic by reportedly spreading communist propaganda to our local vegetation in an effort to destroy our way of life and replace it with theirs.”