NOPD to create “hobocop” force from local homeless

Neutral Ground News - New Orleans News - Satire

Officials with the New Orleans Police say they will fill the Department’s shortfall in officers by deputizing the homeless.

“Have you seen Robocop? They turned a mostly dead guy into a badass crime fighter,” said Assistant Superintendent Charles Willis.

“I’m not saying we shoot the homeless to near death and then turn them into cyborgs. That’s just silly. Our technology isn’t there yet. But we can give them uniforms, a few woo-woo sirens and maybe some cool Robocop-ish helmets.”

Adding the homeless population in New Orleans, which ballooned after Hurricane Katrina and gradually decreased, to the Police force would almost certainly give the Department a needed boost in manpower.

“They’re outside all the time so it’ll give us a strong 24/7 presence in the community, and the residency rule won’t apply to them. Plus, if they’re part of the force we won’t hassle them about loitering and don’t have to pay them. It’s win-win,” Willis said.

While the plan for “Hobocops” looks good on paper, citizens like Jarrell Stevens have voiced concern.

“I still haven’t seen the Robocop reboot and not sure I will. I feel like it might ruin the memories I have of the original. You know how Hollywood is with reboots. As for homeless Robocops, I’m all for it. That’s badass.”