Man invites Uptown robbers to steal his stuff

Neutral Ground News - New Orleans News - SatireDon Kiebels

A New Orleans resident is taking matters into his own hands after Uptown experienced a string of armed robberies at local establishments Patios, Atchafalaya, and Monkey Hill.

Local Mike Sandford has extended an invitation to the Uptown thieves to take his stuff, saying he is frustrated they are stealing possessions from random people and putting themselves in dangerous situations when he has tons of shit he’s been trying to get rid of for the past few months.

Sandford, who is moving to Europe next month for a job, said everything he has needs to go and he doesn’t care how.

“I tried to have a garage sale and put it on Craigslist, but ain’t nobody got time for that. I’m getting all new stuff once I get to Europe, so I’m asking the robbers, can you please take my stuff?”

Sandford says locals have to make the best of the situation since the robberies won’t be stopping anytime soon with the depleted New Orleans Police struggling.

“Inside of every problem lies an opportunity. If they’re going to take things, they need to come to take my stuff. It’d really help me out. Plus, in this economy, it wouldn’t hurt for them to diversify their abilities,” said Sandford, who also mentioned he is willing to leave an envelope of money for their services.

“Everything is already boxed up. Take it. I won’t call the police, I won’t shoot you, and you can probably get good money for most of it. At this point, I just need this crap out of here before I move.”