Facing a $200 million budget shortfall that threatens critical services, Mayor LaToya Cantrell announced today that financial salvation is on the way, thanks to an unexpected and generous donor.
According to city officials, a Nigerian prince has pledged to transfer millions of dollars to struggling New Orleans “as soon as the paperwork clears and a small good faith deposit is received.”
“I am proud to announce that, on my watch as mayor, I, Mayor LaToya Cantrell, have fixed our city’s budget and the crisis is officially over,” Cantrell declared at a press conference held on the front steps of City Hall, which was temporarily closed for filming a reality show. “Some folks doubted me. Some folks blamed me. Some folks misunderstood the process. And some hoes…well, some hoes just don’t like that. But I knew the good Lord and the global banking community would provide.”
The mayor credited her “global outreach efforts” for connecting her with the prince, describing her travel history as “strategic, spiritual, and all-inclusive.”
“People been questioning why I’ve been taking trips. It’s why I do what I do. I do it for you,” Cantrell said, motioning to the cameras. “Travel, shake hands, drink dranks, hit the beanie weenie, make connections. See what I brought back to our city? I was doing the work on behalf of you. These weren’t trips without benefits. And now the benefits are coming in. You’re welcome.”
The breakthrough reportedly came in the form of an urgent email from His Royal Highness Prince Neu Indaba of the Nigerian Oil Company Incorporated Limited, who needed a “trusted government partner” to hold a portion of his $30 billion inheritance temporarily.
In the message, Prince Indaba explained he needed to quickly move his family’s fortune out of Nigeria due to “political and financial instability in neighboring Shangri-La” and offered to pay New Orleans generously if the city would accept the funds and hold them for safekeeping until he could arrive in the Crescent City to collect them personally.
Neutral Ground News “We checked the prince’s Facebook, and he looks legitimate,” Cantrell said, moments after discovering the city’s new fiscal savior in her inbox.
Terry Davis, Director of Communications for the City of New Orleans, said the message arrived late last night.
“Prince Indaba reiterated that the Mayor was the only one who could help him — not President Trump, not Bill Gates, not Elon Musk, not Jeff Landry. Our mayor,” Davis said. “Not only will we be able to cover the budget shortfall, but we’ll have a massive surplus to play with.”
City Council President J.P. Morrell expressed cautious optimism. “If this works, we can not only restore services but maybe even fix a streetlight,” he said. “We just need to verify that the prince is real and not, you know, another consultant.”
Nick Barras, with the Mayor’s Office of Resilience & Sustainability, said the offer appeared genuine. “Prince Indaba said he’d been following New Orleans politics and its economy closely and could tell we were a people who understood financial struggle,” Barras said. “He offered us a once-in-a-lifetime deal: hold his fortune for a few weeks and he’d wire us $400 million.”
“We expect the full transfer any day now,” he added. “He even sent us a tracking number.”
Neutral Ground News Alleged official correspondence from Prince Neu Indaba, received via the City’s spam folder and later reclassified as “budget relief,” provided by the Cantrell Administration to shut all you non-believers up.
Davis confirmed the city wired a refundable $80,000 good faith payment to show it could be trusted. “They tell us it’s a standard international business protocol,” he said. “Plus, he promised to send back double once the transfer clears.”
Critics, however, have questioned the deal’s legitimacy.
“This sounds suspiciously similar to every internet scam since ever,” said Jerry Taylor, president of the political watchdog group Can You Believe This Guy?! “But given New Orleans’ track record with money, this might actually be one of the more responsible investments they’ve made.”
Cantrell brushed off the skepticism, saying the city’s “partnership with international royalty” marks a new chapter of fiscal responsibility.
“We checked the prince’s Facebook, and he looks legitimate,” she said. “He has photos with gold cars, a yacht, and a tiger. You can’t fake that kind of wealth.”
“Look, Washington won’t help us, it’s closed, Baton Rouge can’t agree on anything, and the city’s Cyber Monday Extravaganze didn’t raise enough. When opportunity knocks, you answer,” the mayor said. “Especially when it’s a prince.”
Prince Neu Indaba Image reportedly included in Prince Neu Indaba’s email, labeled “me.jpeg,” and used by city officials to verify his identity.
Cantrell said she plans to request court approval to travel to Nigeria on tomorrow to meet with the prince personally to do the work on behalf of the city.
Once the funds arrive, officials say payroll will resume immediately, and any leftover money may go toward fixing the “Check Engine” light on New Orleans’ economy. The city also plans to reopen all threatened programs, establish a Sister City partnership with Lagos, and launch a new initiative called Royal Roots, which will teach financial literacy through “trust and prayer.”
Prince Indaba assured Mayor Cantrell the funds will be in the city’s bank account within the week.
Meanwhile, the city’s IT department reports brief email outages following the transaction. Officials believe it’s “just the prince’s team sending over blessings.”