Man suing Jefferson Parish over cabbage addiction after St. Patrick’s/Irish-Italian parades

Man suing Jefferson Parish over cabbage addiction

Louisiana Satire Network - Baton Rouge news, New Orleans news, Lafayette news, Houma news, Shreveport news, Louisiana news

An Atlanta transplant who moved to Metairie last September is suing Jefferson Parish, claiming he became addicted to cabbage after the parish recently hosted two weekends of food-throwing parades featuring the leafy vegetable.

A man suing Jefferson Parish claims catching cabbage has ruined his life.

A man suing Jefferson Parish claims catching cabbage has ruined his life.

In the lawsuit, plaintiff Kendall Tyson argues he has suffered severe emotional distress due to his newfound cabbage addiction that he says began during the St. Patrick’s Day parade on Metairie Road and grew significantly worse during the Irish-Italian parade on Veterans Boulevard the following week.

Tyson admitted he had not previously been to one of these parades. Though, after attending the parades this year he says the experience put him on a downward spiral of desperation, dependency, and gassiness.

According to court documents, Tyson stated: “I caught one (cabbage) and thought it was great. But the float riders kept signaling me to come over to get more, so I found myself going up to every float demanding I get another, and then another, and then another until I ended up with so many I could barely walk. I don’t even eat cabbage!”

Tyson’s attorney Harry Wills said that after the parades ended Tyson couldn’t get over his need to constantly collect cabbage and blew through his family’s savings to get more, even resorting to stealing to finance his cabbage habit.

“The parish clearly acted negligently in allowing grossly unregulated distribution of cabbage. They will answer for the anguish, suffering, and awful gas they have caused my client.”

Wills reportedly is also considering filing a class-action lawsuit on his own behalf.

Y'all Discuss

Read previous post:
New Orleans Saints make killer move for defense, sign free agent playmaker Jason Voorhees
New Orleans Saints sign killer free agent to bolster defense

The New Orleans Saints announced today it has agreed to a six-year contract with big-play pass rusher Jason Voorhees, a...

Close