In a move that stunned exactly no one at his school, Lafayette-area PE teacher and assistant football coach Terry “Coach T-Bone” Thibodeaux held a press conference in the gym this afternoon to announce he is “deeply honored” to accept the role of LSU’s next head football coach, an offer he clarified “has not been formally extended,” but one he is “pretty sure is coming any minute.”
Thibodeaux, who led the Bayou Têche Regional Institute for the Gifted & Suspended Fighting Possums to a hard-fought 3–7 season, said he felt obligated to make the announcement early so LSU could schedule the parade route and whatever paperwork goes with a $50 million contract, a move he believes will ‘speed up the LSU coaching search.’
He cited his qualifications, which included a “coach of the quarter” certificate printed on purple construction paper, a deep understanding of the veer offense “from playing NCAA Football 2007 on Heisman difficulty,” and zero NCAA violations “that anyone can prove.”
Colleagues say the timing of his announcement makes sense. One teacher noted Thibodeaux recently upgraded from a whistle to a headset he bought on Facebook Marketplace, calling it “a clear sign he’s ready for the SEC.”
Despite LSU never contacting him, Thibodeaux insists the search committee is “monitoring his situation closely.” He added that he’s already begun assembling a staff, including his cousin, who “knows spreadsheets,” and a former student who once returned two kickoffs in the same half.
Thibodeaux also addressed reports that Lane Kiffin is the betting favorite for the job, saying he “wishes him well” and considers Kiffin “a solid backup option” in case Thibodeaux decides to withdraw his name from consideration.
When asked what he’ll do if LSU chooses someone else in the LSU coaching search, Thibodeaux remained optimistic.
“They’ll come around,” he said. “A program like LSU doesn’t get opportunities like me very often.”