Pumping the brakes on an announcement gleefully made earlier today by local business and tourism leaders, British Airways late this afternoon released a statement clarifying their new direct flight this coming Spring from London to New Orleans is literally a non-stop flight, meaning it will not stop in the Crescent City at all.
“We regret to inform the people of New Orleans that their leaders are full of shit,” Sir Nigel Saggybottom IV, senior vice president North America sales for British Airways said. “I am not sure from where this erroneous information originated, but British Airways is not and shall not be stopping in New Orleans — at all. It’s one of the most violent cities in the world and we will not subject our employees to such an unsafe work environment.”
In a recent report, New Orleans sits as the 32nd most dangerous city in the world and the 4th most dangerous city in the US. Among the parts of the world that New Orleans surpasses in crime and danger? Gran Barcelona, Venezuela, Tijuana, Mexico, Johannesburg, South Africa, Obregon, Mexico, Maracaibo, Venezuela, and Thisis, Sparta, just to name a few.
According to Saggybottom, the new direct flight will land in the “more vibrant” city of Houston and bus passengers with a death wish into New Orleans.
“Have you ever seen the streets in New Orleans? I can’t even imagine trying to land a plane there. Besides, isn’t the city still underwater?” Saggybottom said, who also reiterated he is not a fan of anything French and New Orleans is ‘pretty French.’
Stephen Perry, the chief executive officer of the Convention and Visitors Bureau, said he worked extremely hard to bring British Airways to New Orleans and is highly disappointed to hear of the recent development.
“Well, shit,” Perry said.
Passengers going to and coming from London will travel on a Boeing 787-8 Dreamliner, which holds 214 passengers not stopping in New Orleans: 154 in economy class, 25 in premium economy, 35 in business, and 18 in landing gear compartments.
Mayor Mitch Landrieu, seen early this morning adding the direct flight to his list of mayoral accomplishments, describe the airline’s revised announcement as a minor setback.
“To be honest, I don’t think it will have much of an impact,” Landrieu said. “My resume is pretty solid. I should still get a good position in President Clinton’s cabinet.”