Sick and tired of all the bullshit, New Orleans citizens today announced they have come to an agreement with the U.S. Air Force to knockdown the collapsed Hard Rock hotel in one fell swoop. The agreement comes just seven months after Mayor LaToya Cantrell declared the building a historic pile.
“We [New Orleanians] learned a long time ago we cannot rely on the government to solve anything that requires attention without their being an ulterior motive,” said Lakeview resident Brian Holland, who noted the pothole on his street has been there since 1984 despite hundreds of phone calls, emails, and letters to have it fixed. “The only kickback for this will be when the payload hits.”
Two B-52 Stratofortress bombers are scheduled to fly over medical centers in New Orleans and Baton Rouge on Friday to salute coronavirus essential workers, according to military officials. Along the way, the bombers will divert to the collapsed Hard Rock for its side mission and deliver a full complement of devastating “LaToyas” aimed at quickly and completely taking down the decaying structure. F-15s fighter aircraft will accompany the B-52s as a followup to ensure the strike is a success and also help New Orleans Police enforce the mayor’s seatbelt checks.
“Our plan to finally take care of the collapsed Hard Rock involves absolute precision. Have you seen those drone strikes? They could do this better from halfway around the world in a matter of minutes than LaToya and company could even think about from down the street in seven months,” Holland said.