Silverback gorillas and other primates in at least 36 zoos in the United States have applied to purchase assault rifles like the famous AR-15 during the last week alone, according to the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives. This includes a number of chimpanzees and orangutans at the Audubon Zoo in New Orleans.
New Orleans ATF Field Agent Roscoe Fife said that assault rifle sales, particularly the popular AR-15, always spike after President Barack Obama makes a pitch for gun control, but this is the first time lower primates at zoos are applying to own some.
“It’s a confusing, scary time to alive for a lot of people right now, and that now seems to extend to include monkey see, monkey do,” Agent Fife said.
The National Rifle Association also stated it has seen a sharp increase in membership applications from zoo animals, especially since the recent shooting of an unarmed silverback gorilla, Harambe, at the Cincinnati Zoo in May.
Asked if they would extend membership to lower primates, the NRA press office simply noted, “If you’ve got a trigger finger you’ve got the right to use it.”
Neutral Ground News contacted one of the Sumatran orangutans at the Audubon Zoo about why he felt the need to own such a dangerous weapon. Through a sign language interpreter, the orangutan, who wished to remain anonymous, said the shooting of Harambe opened his eyes.
“Harambe minding business when human trespass and Harambe get shot,” the orangutan said. “What world coming to? Someone break into home and authorities kill homeowner for defending. Me get boomstick. Not be victim. No.”
The unusual precedent this may set concerns officials at the Audubon Zoo.
Mysterious “To Bear Arms!’ signs keep appearing in the Black Bear exhibit at the Audubon Zoo despite efforts by officials to remove them.
Late last week, several of the zoo’s alligators contacted local gun stores about purchasing the AR-15, and mysterious “To Bear Arms!’ signs keep appearing in the Black Bear exhibit.
“We cannot let animals have firearms,” head keeper at the Audubon Zoo Jennifer Dunn said. “Nothing about owning these devices of death makes sense. As for the wildlife, they should not own them either. Guns have one setting, kill.”
Aside from the legal question of whether wildlife actually has the right to bear arms, the major issue facing all the applicants is a lack of money.
“Flinging feces onto the counter, while hilarious, won’t get them very far with purchasing firearms,” Agent Fife said.