With 82 NBA games on the horizon, locals are gearing up to completely ignore another season of New Orleans Pelicans basketball.
“Uh, again?” said Mid-City resident John Landry as he blocked a number from the Pelicans ticket sales office. “Didn’t they just have a season?”
After wrapping up the preseason with a 765–61 loss to the Orlando Magic, the team appears primed for a breakout year and could even change the minds of a local or two.
“I really think we opened some eyes and dropped some jaws,” said head coach Willie Green, whose scrappy 2–7 squad ranked #1 in yawns per game during the preseason and summer league.
League experts have pegged the Pelicans as the team to beat — over and over and over again — this year, as the franchise looks to extend its streak of convincingly advancing to the NBA offseason nine times in the last ten years.
“Oh yeah, just about everyone should beat them [Pelicans],” NBA Insider analyst Adam McCreary said. “(Executive vice president of basketball operations) David Griffin has done an incredible job building an annual contender for the offseason. As far as I see it, the Washington Wizards might be the only team out there that can challenge them. It’s really a two-team race at this point.”
In a move widely praised by people who don’t follow the team closely, the Pelicans hired longtime acquaintance and NBA legend Joe Dumars to replace David Griffin as general manager. Insiders say Dumars brings a “fresh perspective,” a “high tolerance for disappointment,” and, according to Executive Vice President Mickey Loomis, “the kind of familiarity you just can’t get from interviewing strangers.”
Giving the skinny of his outlook, noticeably slimmer franchise star Zion Williamson is excited to get started on a season.
“I believe in this team and what we can do,” Williamson said, glancing down at a team-provided talking points list. “It’s going to be an exciting year with a lot of basketball, so be sure to purchase your 3-game, 10-game, 12-game, half-season, or full-season ticket packages today by going to w-w-w dot New Orleans Pelicans dot com and let’s do it big. Flip page over. If asked, do not answer any questions about injuries, timelines, or visible limping and defer to the communications department. Thank you.”
The Pelicans will begin defense of their offseason crown on the road against the Memphis Grizzlies on October 22 at 7:00 p.m. Their first home loss is scheduled for Friday, October 24, against the San Antonio Spurs at the Smoothie King Center.