New Orleans Saints very, very carefully introduce newly signed Brandon Marshall

New Orleans Saints very, very carefully introduce newly signed Brandon MarshallDon Kiebels

Free agent wide receiver Brandon Marshall is now a Saint.

Ever since news came that the New Orleans Saints were able to return an injured Dez Bryant to Walmart after he suffered a torn Achilles in his second practice with the team, there’s been reports that the Saints would likely use their $600,000 store credit to swap out for another veteran receiver.

Even with the shelves pretty bare at this time of year, coach Sean “Me Smash” Payton was confident he could find a bargain to help replace the production he was envisioning from Bryant and it seems he’s done just that.

At a press conference this afternoon, the Saints very, very carefully introduced their newest signing, 84-year-old former Pro Bowler Brandon Marshall. Encased in a full-body bubble suit, the team inked Marshall to a one-year deal after telling him that he really was their first choice and that they had originally brought Bryant aboard instead just to make him jealous and hungrier for when they ultimately did sign him.

When asked what he liked about Marshall’s workout, Payton said, “He moved around well for someone his age. He brings a lot of experience to the table. He’s smart, he’s someone that’s been in a number of systems and he’s ready to contribute. Just this morning, on his way to sign, he brought the entire staff breakfast from Golden Corral.”

The 63-year veteran and six-time Pro Bowler began this season with the Seattle Seahawks but was released on October 30 after forgetting where he parked his car and found wandering aimlessly around the city, unable to get to practices and games.

Payton also conceded that the signing helps ease pressure on the Saints from the Age Discrimination in Employment Act. After receiver Ted Ginn Jr was put on IR on October 18th the team no longer was in compliance with the federal law because its receiving corps was deemed too young.

Marshall’s signing raises the average age for the Saints wide receiver age by 24 years, putting them well above regulations.

“We were absolutely shocked that someone with so much experience was out there just waiting around and available to start working right away,” Payton said, noting he hadn’t even hung up the phone before Marshall was pulling up to the Saints training facility. “He’s ready to get to work, and I know our young receivers are excited to learn from him and hear all of his stories.”

New Orleans marks the seventh team Marshall has played for, but in that time he’s never been to the playoffs as far as he can remember. At 8-1, New Orleans looks poised for a postseason run even if their newest receiver has to take a Hoveround to help them get there.