Man claims Pokemon mutated after dropping phone in Lake Pontchartrain

Magikarp Pokemon

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A Kenner man claims one of his Pokemon spontaneously mutated after accidentally dropping his phone into Lake Pontchartrain yesterday.

Nick Fumblaux, a 38-year-old Kenner native, frequents the popular Kenner Boat Launch searching for Pokemon every day before and after work and on breaks and on Saturdays and Sundays. He claims no one else he’s spoken to has experienced the unusual glitch that he believes the lake’s pristine water triggered.

“Magikarp is a water Pokemon, I get that,” Fumblaux said in a statement to Neutral Ground News. “I just don’t understand how it mutated in my phone and no one seems to be able to explain to me why it did. I have a Samsung S7 for crying out loud. Have you seen Lil’ Wayne with them? He pours all kinds of crap on them and nothing happens. There has to be something in that water.”

Fumblaux said the fish-like Pokemon grew four legs, has five eyes and developed “mad CP”, also known as combat points, since his phone fell into the water.

“I’m no scientist, but I’ve seen enough episodes of The Simpsons to know why fish mutate,” he explained, referring to toxic waste transforming the appearance of wildlife. “But this fish is in my phone. It just doesn’t add up—but CPs sure as hell do.”

Magikarp Pokemon

The Magikarp is a pretty sucky Pokemon. You really don’t have to catch them all.

The Pokemon in question, Magikarp, is a fish that flops around and, according to other visitors, takes “a lot of balls” to evolve.

“It takes awhile but you have to evolve them yourself, plain and simple,” said a woman at the boat launch who chose to remain anonymous but said she lives in Uptown New Orleans. “Some kid probably got on his phone and evolved it without him knowing. I mean, this genius is from Kenner. That may as well be Metairie. Honestly, I’m surprised they have cellphones over there.”

A spokesperson for the Lake Pontchartrain Basin Foundation, which is working to have recreational swimming areas re-opened along the shores, denied the troubled water’s involvement in the incident.

“Lake Pontchartrain has never met Mr. Fumbleaux nor was it in the area during the day in question,” stated spokesperson Joan Highland, who said the lake is fully cooperating with officials. “The lake was visiting its cousin False River in Point Coupee at that time. The mutation was an unfortunate event and I’m not sure what caused it but the lake had absolutely nothing to do with it.”

According to official government records, the lake has been clean for over a year now though reports suggest it still struggles to keep its long-time problems in check.

In 2014, the EPA cited Lake Pontchartrain for having 12 different harmful chemicals in its system. Officials also implicated the lake in the drowning deaths of several locals over the last decade, though investigators were unable to bring charges.

Although the developer of the popular Pokemon Go game, Niantic, Inc., declined to comment on the situation, Fumblaux said he will continue to seek answers wherever he must go as long as Pokemon are in the area.

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