New Orleans sues NBA’s Pelicans over city name usage

Neutral Ground News - New Orleans News - Satire

As the New Orleans Pelicans soar into the playoffs for the first time since 2015, the team has found itself facing a lawsuit that may keep it grounded with distraction.

According to Orleans Parish District Attorney Earl Barrios, the city today sued the NBA franchise for unauthorized use of the name “New Orleans.”

“I was reading the sports section the other morning when I came across an article saying the ‘New Orleans Pelicans are going to the playoffs.’ I thought the New Orleans part was a typo at first but this team has apparently been using our city’s name unlawfully for years and no one noticed,” Barrios said.

“I don’t know who these Pelicans think they are or where they come from, but they can’t use our city’s name like they have been. Only teams that actually represent New Orleans can do that.”

Court records show the city first tried to contact the team to demand it stop using “New Orleans” as part of its name but was unsuccessful in its efforts.

“We sent a cease-and-desist letter Wednesday morning but they obviously ignored it because they played that same night and were still using the city’s name. So we had to take it to the next level with a lawsuit. And believe me, we’re going to do it big in court to protect the city’s name.”

Uptown resident Andrew Gavin was furious to hear a business was appropriating ‘New Orleans’ to profit off the city’s illustrious name.

“I’ve lived here for 31 years. I love New Orleans. And to think a business with no connection to the city is knowingly is using our name to make money is disgusting,” Gavin said. “I just don’t get it. I wouldn’t be surprised if their company mascot is a king cake baby.”