Forget ‘Youze guys.” If a recent sale is upheld by the courts, many New Yorkers will have to learn to say “Where Y’at!”
According to papers filed in New York Federal Court by Earl “Big Chief” Washington, last week Washington and his Mardi Gras Indians bought Manhattan Island from an unsuspecting Mayor Bill de Blasio for $24 in Mardi Gras beads and doubloons.
Washington and the Indians were in New York as part of an event to highlight tourism in New Orleans, which Mayor de Blasio and a number of TV news crews also attended.
“We played some Professor Longhair and did our thing,” said Washington, “And the mayor couldn’t stop getting his picture took with us for the TV. Telling us how much he supported Native Americans and all they been through and all that.”
The Mardi Gras Indians are a uniquely New Orleans Mardi Gras tradition with flamboyant costumes, not Native Americans in traditional garb.
“I was trying to tell him we ain’t real Indians, but when he saw the two old ‘Krewe d’Etat’ bags full of beads and doubloons we brought along for the kids… we couldn’t get him away from them.”
Washington said he told de Blasio the contents of the bags were only worth about $24 and jokingly said the mayor could have the beads and doubloons if he sold Manhattan Island to Washington and his friends.
“After a 20-minute speech in front of the cameras apologizing for the oppression of the Native Americans, the mayor agreed. He even signed a Bill of Sale selling Manhattan Island for $24. I mean, turn-about is fair play, right?”
de Blasio later issued a statement from Gracie Mansion dismissing the whole idea: “Mayor de Blasio made a symbolic gesture of solidarity with oppressed native peoples everywhere. But no one would ever seriously consider giving away billions of dollars of someone else’s property for nothing.”
Washington replied, “The man should maybe read his own campaign website.”
If the Court sides with the Mardi Gras Indians, Washington says he plans to make some changes.
First, Times Square will be renamed ‘Picayune Square,’ and Battery Park will become ‘Moonwalk North.’ The Empire State Building will become the ‘Leah Chase Building’ and Central Park will become the ‘Neutral Grounds.’ Then, several notable streets will be renamed including Fifth Avenue becoming ‘Five O’Four Avenue,’ Wall Street converting to ‘Y’all Street,’ and Broadway becoming ‘Big Freedia Way.’
“And I definitely want some ‘flying horses’ installed in Central Park.”
Washington also said he plans to have a new name for Trump Tower, but it cannot be repeated in a family-oriented publication such as this.
Other New Orleanians are signing on to the idea.
Attorneys Morris Bart and Mike Brander reportedly have leased every single billboard in Picayune (formerly Times) Square for the next 30 years except for one, a billboard the size of a football field, reserved by crooner Ronnie Lamarque of Lamarque Ford and America’s Got Talent fame to showcase his popular commercials. Even Malcolm Suber is on board – he formed ‘Take ‘Em Down NY’ and wants the Statue of Liberty removed.