Confederate statues allegedly thrown during Mardi Gras parade

Confederate statues allegedly thrown during Mardi Gras parade in New Orleans.Cayetano Gil

Whoever threw Confederate statues during the Krewe of Lushes parade last night is in big trouble and subject to a lifetime ban, according to a statement from the krewe.

Parade-goer Billy Finch was one of at least 110 people who caught Confederate statues. After hauling in his catch, Finch called his friends over in disbelief that someone had such throws on hand.

“What the fu…” Finch shouted as he caught the throw. “Someone! Help! It’s crushing my pelvis!”

Krewe of Lushes captain Wiz Rye strongly denounced the throw immediately after learning of the incident. Though, he admitted he does not know who was throwing the statues.

“We do not approve of this at all. Krewe members know to not throw anything that needs a hydraulic lift off a float. We will not tolerate the crushing or maiming of parade-goers,” Rye said.

The Uptown parade route travels through Lee Circle, past a pedestal upon which a monument to Confederate general Robert E. Lee long stood. Coincidentally, Finch caught the statue about a block away.

Rye said this is the first time anyone in his krewe remembers anything like this happening let alone anything at all.

“Maiming parade-goers goes directly against the standards and beliefs of our krewe. We just want to drink and have a good time. We’re embarrassed by this so-to-be banned member. Confederate statues absolutely have no place on our floats — I mean, each rider only gets like five feet of space for throws. We’re going to find out who had the stones to do it.”

While Finch was awaiting a Lyft to the hospital, his friends immediately asked to speak to the manager of Mardi Gras so they could voice their concerns of the experience.

“It is absolutely unbelievable that in this day and age someone would actually throw something like this especially with how sedentary of a society we’ve become — it’s kind of impressive,” said Finch’s friend Adam Wilson who saw the incident firsthand.

The manager of Mardi Gras, Karen Karenson, had no comment.