Monuments honoring battle over Confederate monuments to replace monuments

Revealing long-awaited plans for what will replace the controversial Confederate monuments in New Orleans, Mayor Mitch Landrieu today announced his vision for new memorials dedicated to the struggle he has had to endure over the last few years.

According to Landrieu, the Confederate monuments to Robert E. Lee, Jefferson Davis, P.G.T. Beauregard, and Liberty Place will be replaced with new pieces honoring various aspects of the historic Battle of the Monuments (2015-2017), a heated conflict that set the city of New Orleans ablaze with obnoxious people, out-of-towners, and social media histrionics.

These new statues will “bring the City together, and reflect the spirit and legacy of leadership we have shown during these times,” reflected the mayor.

Images unveiled at the special meeting this afternoon revealed the new artwork will include a memorial to those who fought in the battle, a monument capturing the pioneering spirit of the battle’s leader, Mitch Landrieu, and a piece that preserves history that opponents claim is being erased by the removal.

In a released statement, Landrieu noted:

“We must make sure future generations do not forget what happened here, the struggle that occurred, and that I persisted. The people of New Orleans fought — brother against brother, sister against sister, barfly against barfly, Facebook acquaintance against Facebook acquaintance — on the great battlefield of social media and protest. We must honor the relationships that fell in the battle of the monuments, whereas, one day, hundreds of years from now, all who look upon these memorials will remember to remember what we know today.”

All three replacement monuments, in file photos (below) released by the city, are scheduled to go up just in time for Mayor Landrieu to put his name on each one before leaving office as well as the New Orleans tricentennial.