Man thrilled to wear jeans twice as long after smoking ban enacted

Don Kiebels

After New Orleans enacted a smoking ban that prohibits lighting up in many public and private places, 27-year-old Richard Hayata vowed to do laundry even less often than he currently attempts to and also wears his jeans until they “stand up on their own,” sources confirmed.

According to disgusted mother, Jill Hayata her son had previously been able to wear his jeans for one month without washing them but now thinks he can go at least two or three months thanks to the smoking ban.

“Oh, definitely,” said Hayata, who admittedly is scared to death of the dozen buttons found on his washing machine. “And I think that’s being conservative.”

Hayata, who lives in a small apartment with his dog Thunderdome, believes secondhand smoke drastically shortens the life of his clean clothes.

“Secondhand smoke is so dangerous. Every time you entered a bar you risked it stinking up your clothes to the point you’re forced to wash what you wore far sooner than you’d like to.”

“Do you know how long I’ll be able to go before having to do laundry now? It’s mind-boggling. Rhetorical. I can’t wait to find out how long it actually takes for my jeans to stand.”