Scientist reveals hurricane season predictions based on how much interns can drink

Fringer Cat

The process scientists use for making hurricane predictions prior to every season isn’t nearly as scientific as one might think.

According to a prominent scientist at Colorado State University’s Department of Atmospheric Sciences — the group that releases annual predictions on the number of storms they expect to occur in a given hurricane season — the much-hyped numbers shockingly all comes down to how well a particular person on the team can hold his or her alcohol.

“Every year we take the new intern to happy hour on their first day and have them down as many alcoholic drinks as they can,” said Dr. Ryan Hudson, the lead scientist since 1996. “Depending on that number, we get our prediction. It’s surprisingly accurate.”

This year’s intern, Daniel Yon, made it to seven drinks before passing out.

“We used to crunch a lot of data to make the predictions, but oh my Cthulhu was that boring. So as we say in science, alcohol is a solution,” Dr. Hudson said.

Based on the numbers Yon ran, CSU forecasters announced a pre-season prediction of thirteen named storms for this year with seven hurricanes — two of them major. The number of hurricanes reflects how many bathroom trips the intern makes after breaking the seal, and the major storms the number of times he or she vomits.

“Yon will probably try to reclaim some of his pride soon and give it another go. So, be on the lookout for our revised hurricane predictions.”