If you thought left-out ladders on parade routes were an issue, that’s just the bottom rung.
Looking to halt a yearly trend, the City of New Orleans is asking Mardi Gras revelers to please, please, please stop reserving spots along the parade routes by using body outlines that resemble those found at crime scenes.
All along the parade routes in Orleans Parish, passersby could see dozens of body outlines on the neutral ground, all presumably holding spots for parade-goers hoping to snag prime locations for the festivities.
Local authorities initially believed the increase in body outlines could be attributed to crime officially overtaking tourism as the city’s most reliable industry.
“I’m so used to seeing tons of murders every day here that I didn’t think anything of the increase in outlines. Sure, it would have been significantly more murders than usual, but, really, what’s usual anymore?” said Sgt. Chris Caden, a crime scene investigator for the New Orleans Police Department.
“I just thought one of my colleagues had gotten an early start that day and had drawn them up. I was ready to get to work.”
Holding a spot for Mardi Gras on public property with rope, furniture, or any kind of barriers or markers is strictly prohibited unless you’re a somebody. Even if the parade-goers camp out in their spot, the law restricts citizens from altering city-owned grounds in any way or form.
Chad Chaddington IV, who plans to use body outlines to save spots on the parade routes, has hosted what he calls a “curated outdoor lounge concept” on St. Charles Avenue in anticipation of Bacchus, Endymion, quality time with his boys, and twwwiiinnnns.
“I caught a citation last year for using spray paint and rope,” said Chad Chaddington IV, who describes himself as a “Carnival stakeholder” and refers to the neutral ground as “our family’s seasonal property.” For the last ten years, Chaddington, heir to a mid-tier marine supply fortune, has hosted what he calls a “curated outdoor lounge concept” on St. Charles Avenue in anticipation of Bacchus, Endymion, quality time with his boys, and twwwiiinnnns. His setup includes rented patio furniture, a logoed canopy, two coolers that require a dolly, a top-shelf Pot-o-Gold, a Bluetooth tower speaker tall enough to qualify for flood insurance, and what he describes as “very chill bottle service energy.”
This year, he’s leveling up.
“We’re doing body outlines,” Chaddington said, nodding like he just secured funding. “Clean lines. Strategic limb extension. You can’t tell if it’s an active investigation or just lines. That’s the play.”
Chaddington described the move as “confusion-based perimeter control with premium spacing.”
“They can’t tell if my outlines are the real thing or if the ones next to them are,” he said. “And no officer wants to be the guy stepping through six possible crime scenes to question a folding chair with cup holders. By the time they finish their little huddle, we’ve already crushed the last High Noon and are wheels up back to the Jeep.”
New Orleans City Councilmember J.P. Morrell, who has addressed the issue head-on, said he is disappointed people would stoop so low as to use murder markers to hold a piece of ground for a parade.
“It’s absolutely disgusting,” said Morrell. “Our investigators can no longer tell which body outlines are real and which are fake. So, I’m asking all parade-goers to please not use outlines to save spots on parade routes. Our police officers already have enough murders to investigate.”