Jindal skyrockets .00009% in GOP poll after first debate

Bobby Jindal skyrockets to .00009% in GOP poll after first debate

Look out world, Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal could be the next Republican nominee for President of the United States.

According to reports, Jindal has surged in the GOP poll after an electrifying performance at the Republican 2016 presidential “Happy Hour” debate. Jindal’s numbers jumped to a whopping .00009% overall to outpace all the other candidates at an arena packed with several family members hoping to gain cabinet positions.

“It was like he was speaking directly to me and me only. I’d never before experienced that from a politician,” said Ben Ammago, a janitor required to be at the event because he works at the arena that hosted it. “I don’t speak crazy, but he spoke to me.”

Political expert analyst Charles Nelson was surprised to see such a significant jump in Jindal’s numbers after the debate.

“While I don’t expect him to win the loser’s bracket of Republicans, this is the largest increase in popularity Jindal has seen since he secured the love of 50% of his parents.”

Jindal, who reportedly became re-energized after hearing his poll number had climbed so significantly, said he’s ready to put his full energy into the campaign despite claims he has skirted his responsibilities as the governor of Louisiana the last couple of years.

“That is completely and entirely false. I very publicly put in my 2-years notice with Louisiana in 2013,” said Jindal.

The GOP poll has a margin of error of plus or minus .00009 percent.

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