The American Society of Civil Engineers has released the 2025 Louisiana infrastructure report card, and against all known science, we somehow earned a C minus, shocking analysts who weren’t even aware we still had infrastructure to grade.
Sources say ASCE was “genuinely impressed” we kept anything standing long enough for them to inspect it, calling the result “pretty good considering the circumstances.”
One engineer said the experience reminded him of complimenting a child’s macaroni art. “It’s not good,” he said, allegedly, “but you appreciate the effort and hope it doesn’t collapse on the fridge.”
Another engineer allegedly admitted they expected to be grading “remnants,” not “active systems,” and needed a moment to process that water still flows here on purpose.
ASCE officials also clarified the grade is not charity, though their voices reportedly shifted into the gentle encouragement normally reserved for children, pets, and unstable scaffolding.
Observers say the grade reflects a rare moment where Louisiana’s roads, bridges, and water systems all chose to function long enough to be judged, a feat researchers described as “statistically improbable.”
Asked for comment about the Louisiana infrastructure report card, Governor Jeff Landry reportedly lit up and said, “A C minus is great for Louisiana. Anyone raised here knows that’s an honor roll score.”