Approximately one minute after an emergency order by Parish President Cynthia Lee Sheng went into effect on Wednesday in Jefferson requiring all customers visiting businesses to wear a mask, the entire area exploded and was wiped off the world map, ending the parish’s mostly successful 195-year run.
The mandatory order had required people to wear a mask in all public places in Jefferson Parish, including restaurants, grocery stores, and retail areas and was to be enforced with a misdemeanor charge, which includes a $500 fine and possibly six months in jail.
According to officials in New Orleans who were close to the parish line when the tragedy occurred, the source of the decimation appears to be the very cartoonish cumulative effect of over 60,000 massive steam explosions out of the ears of furious anti-mask advocates who fought the measure through a constant barrage of “wake up, sheep!” “muh freedom!” and “Lee Sheng resign must now!” social media posts.
“I knew this would happen, and now we’re all dead thanks to the sheep,” said Old Jefferson now Purgatory resident John Malcolm via Zoom.
The massive steam explosion caused by the executive order, signed by Lee Sheng, reportedly happened with extreme speed, approximately one minute after going into effect, spraying scalding steam from anti-mask advocates in all directions, totally obliterating the parish.
“Don’t think it’s a coincidence that Harry Lee’s daughter would make Chinese-made masks mandatory. Every single mask is made in China. Lee Sheng is getting rich off it all. I seent it on Facebook. She’s a Communist spy who is a part of the government’s experiment to erode our freedoms, control our minds, and get us to hand over our guns before the Red Dawn happens. It’s just like Epstein was going to tell us before they silenced him, ‘you can’t trust the government, only my buddy Trump.”
Orleans Parish has said it will hold a public vigil for its longtime neighbor at some time at some point in the future when the COVID-19 pandemic has dissipated and large gatherings are again allowed. The protest over Jefferson Parish’s massive environmental destruction, however, is still on.