Audubon Zoo officials are facing fresh internal turmoil after residents learned their membership fees had skyrocketed, a discovery that mirrors the backlash surrounding the recent zoo membership cost increase.
Most animals only found out about the increase late last night because their notification arrived through their internal communications system, P-Mail, which runs on Pigeons 1.0 and routinely delays important messages by several days. Despite this, sources say it is still widely considered more reliable and noticeably faster than Cox.
The situation escalated when a parrot in the free-flight aviary overheard a guest explaining that human memberships had also shot up. The parrot reportedly repeated the news 147 times at full volume, shouting “TOO MUCH TOO MUCH DOUBLE DOUBLE,” which effectively alerted the entire zoo and created a rare moment of animal-to-human solidarity.
Not long after the commotion, several residents began circulating a printed notice they found tucked under their enclosure doors.
Neutral Ground News A zoo resident holds the official notice explaining the Audubon Zoo membership cost increase.
The letter, stamped “IMPORTANT ACCOUNT UPDATE,” outlined the situation in unusually formal language:
“Your membership fees have increased effective immediately. This adjustment ensures continued access to your habitats, daily feedings, and the ability to remain here legally as zoo residents. The updated total reflects the most current financial needs of the institution and the executive retirement funds that support those needs.”
The note only intensified frustration among residents who said they had no idea the membership cost increase applied to them as well.
By morning, representatives from the giraffes, otters, and at least one deeply betrayed macaw confronted leadership, demanding to know why their rates had jumped without warning and without any added benefits such as extended grazing windows, upgraded heat rocks, or basic fish cost-of-living adjustments.
Zoo officials promised to take a closer look, although insiders say many residents are already exploring cheaper options such as Snake and Jake’s, blissfully unaware that the bar presents several challenges for animals, including but not limited to the regulars. Some of the animals even took the name as a sign the bar is welcoming to all species, noting that anywhere embracing snakes must be inclusive.
More updates as the situation develops and as Pigeons 1.0 slowly delivers them.