Uber driver assures uninterested passengers it isn’t his real job

Uber driver assures passengers it isn't his real job

Louisiana Satire Network - Baton Rouge news, New Orleans news, Lafayette news, Houma news, Shreveport news, Louisiana news

An Uber driver is not being sought by authorities for questioning after several riders filed complaints he volunteered way more information than not a single person asked for over the course of one day last week.

“I hate when people get in my ’05 Accord and tell me where to bring them — it’s so condescending.”

Tim Nieto, who passive-aggressively has been an Uber driver since 2017, allegedly sought to assure each of his passengers that he has a “real job” so as to keep anyone from assuming he has to drive for the ride-sharing service to make ends meet.

“I hate when people get in my ’05 Accord and tell me where to bring them — it’s so condescending,” Nieto said. “People think this is my job and it isn’t. I do other things. I was the frickin’ assistant manager at Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. for Creole Christ‘s sake.”

While it’s unclear at this time what the constant reminder of his “real job” has to do with successfully reaching a passenger’s destination, those close to Nieto are shedding light on the situation. According to mailman Jackson Gant, Nieto was laid off from the closing Bubba Gump New Orleans last June after working at the restaurant for over a decade and has struggled both financially and mentally since.

“He apparently has some kind of part-time job at the Equestrian Motel but he doesn’t talk about it much only everything else,” said Gant who gets roped into unwanted conversations with the Uber driver quite often.

“I always try to sneak by [Nieto’s place] but he’s been able to catch me a few times for five minutes or so. It’s such a sad situation — I’m always so careful and quiet but somehow he always knows when I’m near.”

Neutral Ground News was the only media outlet to get an exclusive with Nieto, mainly because we lost a bet with Big Easy Magazine, to see if there was more to the situation than the media wasn’t reporting. Luckily, Nieto had much to add to this incredibly captivating human interest story.

“I’m just driving for Uber right now because one of my roommates moved out and I’ve gotta pick up the slack, you know?”

“Every day I encounter so many obtuse tourists who are so deplorably patronizing. And it’s always so frickin’ hot. I’m not from the South. See, I’m originally from D.C., where I was a Gastronomical Hygiene Technician, but my child’s mother is from here. That’s the only reason I moved to New Orleans back in ’06. So, I could be closer to my son. He’s at Nunez Community College now, I think. My ex wouldn’t let me see him much so I had to keep up by checking his social media but he turned all of that private a few years ago. I’m just driving for Uber right now because one of my roommates moved out and I’ve gotta pick up the slack, you know? I’m just like you only I’m like a captain, a captain of Nieto Airlines but my airplane is a car. Nieto Carlines.”

When asked why he thinks a passenger would give two shits about his personal life as opposed to not having awkward small talk, Nieto said, “I don’t want people thinking I’m an Uber driver. Because I’m not. I’m an assistant manager in employment transition who just so happens to drive for Uber. I don’t even have to drive for Uber,” while wiping tears away with a copy of his resume.

Y'all Discuss

Read previous post:
Department of Labor Equal Pay Day report - Men earn less than women
Men earn less than women for work online, Equal Pay Day report shows

According to a new Equal Pay Day report by the Department of Labor on work-related compensation, men earn significantly less...

Close